Adventures of a Housewife

Transitions

2012-02-01T17:40:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we went to Disneyland to celebrate Caleb's 29th and Cole's 4th birthdays. What a blast we had! We went with our dear friend's the Mason Family as well as both sets of our parents. What a blessing to be with so many people who we love and who would take the time and money to come on vacation with us!

We were greeted with 75 degree temps and Mickey Mouse. Memories were created for sure! Nothing like discovering Disney together.

On the last night we were there I took Cole to the Winnie-the-Pooh store (located by the ride) and let him pick a new cuddle buddy to sleep with. If you know my son, you know he's addicted to his "friend" a little blue blanket/stuffed animal with whom he would spend every moment with. He sleeps with him and sucks his thumb while rubbing a special corner. It is so sweet. It is such a comfort to him.

It is something we need to say good-bye to, because he needs to stop sucking his thumb.

Long ago we started talking about putting his friend away when he turns 4. We gave him lots of time to get use to the idea. We also gave ME lots of time to get use to the idea. I think I wasn't ready when the time came, but he was.

He picked a cute pink Piglet to be his new cuddle buddy. We let him sleep with both friends that night and they traveled together home on the airplane (so that blue friend could tell Piglet how to be a good friend of course!). Cole got one last nap with them both once we were home and then I whisked friend away to be washed and tucked in a box.

That night I cried and cried nay, I sobbed. I'm sure it was a combo of pregnancy hormones, being tired from our trip, and the fact that my little baby is no longer a baby, but a real boy.

I couldn't get a hold of myself.

Time is fleeting and scarce, these moments that feel like they're going to last forever don't. The time where my little boy was a baby is now officially gone.

I'm excited about the new adventures, and I'm also sad to transition out of babyhood.

On that note, here are a few pictures of Cole and his friend as well as Disneyland!

I guess I really wanted you to see that he went on Space Mountain... now I can't read computer speak and can't figure out how to loose the second pic! lol

And the baby is....

2012-01-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

We're very excited to announce that the small, wee one in my womb is a girl!!!!

Lots of Life

2012-01-12T22:40:00.000-07:00

Hi. It's been a while--it's been so dang nice to have no real reason to get onto the computer. I've been reading, hanging out with friends, playing games with Cole, and trying to clean my house (although, that hasn't happened as much as I wanted it to... I did bleach my kitchen counters today!). Oh, I've also been growing a human inside of me. So, no biggie. I guess many of you probably want some sort of prego picture, and if I wasn't up all by myself, I would get one, but alas, I'm alone and in sweats without make up... probably not the cutest I've looked, so I'm not posting a picture. I am 18 weeks along and the belly is very much there. This child isn't very active, but when his/her big brother talks to him/her, the baby dances! Cole talks every morning to the baby and kisses and hugs my tummy. It is very sweet. What I love most of all is the baby is actually responding and always starts moving when Cole talks to it! I love seeing their relationship starting to form even now.
As far as pregnancy goes, I'm doing pretty good. I'm not in love with the actual pregnancy. I'm am, however, so excited about having another little one, the discomfort I'm feeling now is worth it! We find out sex of the baby on January 24, so keep posted. I'll scan the picture and see if you guys can guess!
OK, that's enough of my ramblings. Here are a few holiday pictures to enjoy!

Christmas Week!

2011-12-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

Hi friends. I made it through finals and have maintained my 3.5 gpa, so I'm happy! I've done a few things on my list... like I've spent a significant time in my sweats and have watched way too much tv. I also decided to clean some bathrooms... and I'm not sure how Caleb's been showering in his shower... gross! Well, not now, so we're all good. I've finished my shopping, and have done most of my wrapping. Cole and I baked sugar cookies (yup, I bought a rolling pin!) and we've eaten most of them. I've spent time with friends, my little brother, and by myself. It's been nice. Oh, and Cole has his Ikea tent set up in the front room, cause there's a tree set up, so it's sorta like being in the woods! :)

I'm now really looking forward to Christmas with my little guy! He had just 3 things on his list, so Santa is being totally obliging! I know he's going to love it.

Also, update on my pregnancy, it's going good. There's really nothing to report. We are going to find out the gender in January and will tell as soon as we know! I also need to snap a belly picture-- I can't believe tomorrow I'll be 15 weeks. I'm not looking so much pregnant, but rather like I've gained 10 pounds in my gut since Thanksgiving-- it's really cute.

OK, well, that's the update here. Hope you're enjoying your Christmas week and I'm looking forward to spying pictures of Christmas on fb.

Merry Christmas!

Finals, Finals, Finals

2011-12-07T20:21:00.000-07:00

I really should have my nose in a math book or be editing my final essay.... but I'm not. Try as I might, inspiration isn't coming to me, so I thought I would share all the fun things I plan on doing over the Christmas break!
-Visit with friends
-Take Cole swimming at the YMCA
-Purchase a rolling pin and then make sugar cookies (who doesn't own a rolling pin? Seriously, how can I be in my 8th year of marriage and not own one!)
-Read meaningless books
-Watch silly TV and movies
-Go to the movies with a friend (Tara?!)
-Meal Plan and then make real dinners (which is possible now that I'm past the "food is so nasty" stage of pregnancy)
-Actually clean my house-- I'm talking basic stuff, but stuff I've put off far too long, and now I'll have a bunch more time to do it!
-Finish my Christmas Shopping as well as the few hand crafted gifts I've been making for MONTHS.
-Go on adventure walks with Cole
-Go to the library for story hour (again, for Cole!)
-Sleep in and have at least 1 PJ day

Ok, so that's the list I've decided on currently, but I'm sure there's time to add more. I just have to study for a few hours tonight, take a final tomorrow, finish my essay and then take another final on Sunday/Monday.... I can do it. Easy peasy. I guess the best motivation is realizing that life will be so much more fun in a few short days.

I've talked myself into studying, so night all. See you next week!

Pictures

2011-12-01T18:00:00.000-07:00

I was thinking that it's been a long time since I posted pictures... so here are a few.

It's been a LONG time

2011-11-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

It's been a very long time. It seems as though in September when school isn't too busy, I'm able to think about blogging a lot more, but when it comes right down to it, I don't have very good follow through. Life gets busy and I've been tired.

The tired I've been feeling is a justified and happy tired.

In October we found out that we're having a baby! I'm now 11 weeks pregnant and have been feeling every moment of it, which is to say, I'm tired, sick, and have had horrendous heart burn. We're excited, thankful, and seeing God's hand in the timing.

The story goes: after trying to get prego for a year, we decided to see a fertility doc about what to do next. We went into the appointment and they did a pregnancy test and low and behold, we left there with glowing smiles talking baby names. Pretty good doc, huh? Only one appointment was needed! So, this means in about 29+- weeks, we will be welcoming a new little Roe into our house. (Those of you who aren't into calculating the weeks thing, the due date is June 14)

Please join with us in praying for this new little life, for energy to chase after Cole, and that I would finish my education strong (only 4 more credits next semester and I'm done!!). Oh, and if any of you have maternity clothes they want to loan me, I'm happy to wear them for the next few months--turns out 2nd babies do show a LOT sooner! I already have a little baby belly... if I wasn't in sweats I would take a belly shot for you... next time.

Thanks to all those who were praying! We're truly blessed!

heartbreak warfare

2011-09-22T17:13:00.000-06:00

With a glass of red wine in my hand, veggies from my garden sliced and ready to go into the oven, the smell of caramelized onion and pepper (from some else's garden) hanging in the air-- I'm wearing the swallows apron my Grandma Wanda (who passed away about 2 1/2 years ago) gave me, making a dinner that was brought to us after I had Cole, and mulling over my best friend's life change today (having twins!) all while listening to Heartbreak Warfare had not only created a magnanimously long run-on sentence, but also a reflective atmosphere in my soul. Just thought I would share.

27

2011-09-14T15:48:00.000-06:00

Today is my 27th birthday and it's a little bit odd. I'm excited to be turning another year older and I'm excited to share birthday breakfast and movie and dinner with friends and family. But, I'm a little bit somber also. Nate's last birthday was 27. He spent it with my parent's and they went to the Cheese Cake Factory for dinner (which I actually thought might be fun for tonight, but then I remembered and it sort of creeped me out) and I talked to Nate and wished him a happy birthday. I think this was the last time I called Nate-- I know I didn't call him over the holidays and I didn't talk to him much in the new year (possibly once). This birthday phone call is the last real happy conversation I ever had with Nate-- on his 27th birthday. Now, I'm turning 27 and it's just odd. During the next year I will officially live longer than my older brother-- so does this make me older, or him? I'm not really sad, but rather reflective and just a little bummed out.. ya know, you're not suppose to become older than your older sibling. So, today is a start to more first without Nate. However, I've got a text message saved from him on an old phone-- a Happy Birthday message from when I turned 24-- it's nice to read and think he's probably sending me a message today, but our frequency isn't the same any more. I do have to shout out to my family and friend who are making this day a very fun day. Thanks for loving me even when things are a little "off".

Babies

2011-09-12T20:51:00.001-06:00

I haven't really wanted to share this, but I'm getting a bit annoyed with people giving me the "hint" that we should start trying for a second child.WE ARE TRYING.We aren't succeeding. It's been a year. I'm told this is "normal", but it feels like an eternity to me, as I've seen people get pregnant, have babies, and those babies are almost starting to crawl now. My favorite girl's name was used by a friend of a friend (so I guess we can still use it, but it feels like a "used" name now) and people who started trying after me are having babies now. I'm feeling a little left in the dust. People I love are on their 3rd or 4th babies while we're still a "new" family with only 1 child. I also can't quite get use to the idea that our family is going to be spread out a bit more that we had planned, and I don't really like it. I pictured having all of my babies before 30. Now I either need to have twins or become a baby making machine to get a few more out while I'm still in my 20's. So, that's looking grim. People, I will tell you when we are pregnant. I will probably shout it from the roofs, because I want another baby so bad. Please don't hint any more, I know that we're due, and I want one too... just have to wait and pray and see oh have fun with the hubs. OK, enough about that. Did I mention that my birthday is in 2 days? I'll expect cards and flowers! ;)

The great To Do list

2011-08-14T18:49:00.000-06:00

I've been on vacation mode for a while now. I think because I know it's going to end in a week. How come summer stretched on forever when I was little and now I blink and it's gone? Questions to ponder.

OK, so the real reason for posting today is my To Do list. I thought you guys might like to see a glimpse into my world and how I get everything done. (Nothing like tooting my own horn, huh?)

For starters I have a 3x5 binder that keeps me organized. It has pages for every day of the month and a chore that corresponds with that date. Example: 1st Clean Guest Bathroom, 2nd Laundry, 3rd sweep kitchen and dust front room. I've got random things like wipe all the door knobs down with disinfectant (because it's one of those things I always wanted to do, but couldn't ever remember to do) and clean out the fridge the day before I'm scheduled to grocery shop (because really, who wants to do that all in one day?!)

The other helpful thing I do is make a list of things I must get done during the week, that way I actually get everything done, and I know what I've got to get done.

I also like to have a plan for food. If I am not intentional, then we either have a smoothie for dinner (which I like, but I'm guessing that my boys don't!), we eat hodge-podge, or we eat out. Also, because we haven't been eating bread, rice, or pasta, the food thing takes a little more work. I have to make a plan to keep us eating healthy. So, I try to write out our dinner options, occasionally combing through my cookbooks to find something new and bread free.

This week I'm doing extra cleaning (because like I stated earlier, I've been on vacation mode, and my house looks like it!) and de-cluttering.

Here's to this next week of planning for new beginnings and upkeep of the old. I like to think of spending my time, and not just using it or loosing it. At least, when I'm not on vacation mode that is!

Nate

2011-07-14T08:58:00.000-06:00

Today is another day where I've got a million things to do. However I wanted to take a moment to talk about my big brother Nate, whose birthday it is today. He would be 30 if he were still alive. He was a man with a huge heart, always wanting to help those in need, a constant tease, a fast talker, ADD, always scheming for the next thing to do, an avid Nintendo player, an athlete, someone who valued family, and most of all, he was my big brother.

I miss him everyday.

I think about him and talk about him more now that he's unavailable to me. It's weird how that happened-- how come I couldn't think to call him when he was alive, and now all I want to do is call him.

Take a moment today and call those who you love and haven't talked to in a while.

I love you, Nate, and wish things had been different. Happy 30th Birthday.

Quotes

2011-07-07T22:29:00.000-06:00

I've started this post 4 times now and I don't really know what to say. I've been gardening, reading text books, knitting, watching Harry Potter movies, reading mediocre literature about marriage, and I cracked open the good old trusty quote book from high school. So, I will leave you with a few fantastic quotes:

"Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result." -Winston Churchill

"To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive." -Robert Louis Stevenson

"Cleaning your house while your children are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." -Phyllis Diller

OK, maybe they weren't fantastic, but they make me think of high school and that is fun to think about.

Where the Wild Things Are

2011-07-03T00:20:00.000-06:00

Tonight as I was snuggling my kidlet, he reached over his bed and grabbed his copy of Where the Wild Things are. I've read it to him many times, and he loves it. It is a fantastic story of a naughty child who gets sent to bed without his supper and either has a wonderful imagination or falls asleep. He has an adventure and meets the Wild Things. He discovers that he's actually lonely for someone who loves him. He chooses to come home and his momma has brought his dinner into him and it's still hot.

OK, so I'm sure most of you have read this story and maybe you get it and maybe you don't. It doesn't really matter.

What matters is, I opened the book and there was a message from Uncle Nate and Aunt Ginny inside the front cover. It said they couldn't wait to meet baby Roe and that this book was Nate's favorite as a little boy. The note also mentioned how they couldn't wait to read this book to him, and someday when he's big, for him to read it to them.

Whoa. It was like a sack of bricks falling on me. The instant tears. I sat in bed with my three year old and sobbed. Gut wrenching sobs of the things that will never be. It was only a few minutes, and Cole waited patiently as the tears fell.

Then in his gentle loving voice, he asked me what was wrong and told me he loved me. He has truly been my grief partner-- I don't mean that in a bad way; merely in the sense that he has been there with me when everyone else has been gone. I know that God gave me Cole during the most difficult time of my life to grow me, help me not become selfish, and to see love in his brilliant blue eyes.

So, we read and had an adventure both with Max and Cole. We snuggled and sang Beatles songs (so much for the lullaby tonight, huh?!) and he feel asleep. I have been mulling his love and grace for me over and over in my mind. How blessed I am to be Cole's Momma.

painting

2011-06-30T13:47:00.000-06:00

Cole and I did some painting last night. I have to say, I didn't want to, but as he really wanted to and once the paints were out, it seemed like a great idea. So, after he was done, and in the bath, I worked on mine.

The significance to the tree changing seasons is just that. Life is full of seasons, and I have been in winter for a very long time. Spring is finally here, and it is good to realize that each season is only for a time. It is good to be where you are, and it is good to move into the next season.

To everything there is a season and a purpose to everything under heaven...A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance.

May dancing begin in my life.

I've been looking at my stats...

2011-06-21T22:29:00.006-06:00

So, who knew there were people all over the world looking at my blog-- 12 countries just today. go figure. I do hope someone out there is inspired.

Things here are going good. I've officially finished my first knitting project! I started and finished it all by myself! My kidlet asked me to make him a wash cloth... and he's been sleeping with it every night! What a cutie. And, what an encouragement to me to keep learning and growing and creating.

I've got a painting of a half finished tree sitting on the desk in my entry, and I'm pretty sure I need to carve out some time (possible tomorrow as it is suppose to be 96 degrees!) to paint. I know Cole would be over the moon to work with me.

The real reason I'm writing is not to update you on my projects, however that is part of my journey, but to be real.

My heart is full of joy.

It hasn't been this way in some time. Probably about 2 1/2 years. I am truly joyfilled to be in this life I am living. Sometimes I'm sure I cram too much in, but even though I was busy all day today-- rushing from one thing to the next, I sat down tired tonight and was able to cuddle with Cole and realize that life is full of the moment. I can either choose to live a life planned out, full of fear and the unknown, with a lot of stress, or I can do my very best in this one moment I've got.

I think that's what I missed in my relationship with Nate. I was always hoping that he would get better and that someday we would be friends... I never did get that day. We never were able to connect and we both truly missed out on relationship.

I've realized that much of my grief journey has been about the things I missed with Nate-- that he either was there high, or not there at all, and now won't be there. I have forgotten the eternal perspective of life. We are not just walking this earth-- we are eternal beings. Either we walk into eternity with Christ (after giving our lives to him here on earth), or we walk into an eternity with Satan (after ignoring the promptings of Jesus, and choosing another path). I know that Nate turned his life to Jesus-- I know that he believed. I'm sure that God has given me hope in Nate's salvation. Therefore, why do I weep and mourn as one that does not have hope? I will have the relationship with Nate that I have always wanted, just not for another 70 years. Things really worth having are worth waiting for, right? So, this is going to be one really awesome reunion.

Happy 1st day of Summer (to those in the N. Hemisphere!).

my heart awakens

2011-06-06T22:28:00.003-06:00

It's been a week or so since I decided to clean house of all distractions. Well, not all distractions... but I've scaled back quite a bit! It feels like my heart is starting to beat once again.

I've been creating. I've learned to knit, read Alice in Wonderland, cleaned, painted part of a painting, spent some quality time with friends, and best of all prayed for some heart healing.

I believe we were all created to create, it's a natural function of communion with Christ. My problem is I wasn't spending time with God. It's not that I didn't, it's that I didn't want to. I wanted to live my life in the hurt and pain, and sometimes I wanted to feel better, but I didn't want to go the extra step and actually get some healing from God. I didn't, because that step was just too painful.

As I sat and learned to knit, my friend just listened to my brokenness and asked if we could pray. Giving the pain and hurt to God in a radical and simple way. I'm sure I would not have had the courage to give into the pain alone. The pain is just to difficult to touch, let alone dig. We started the deep process of surgery that night and again a few days later. I'm not done, not even close, yet I see some progress-- my heart is awakening. The healing is happening. My soul really does long for Christ's love and peace.

I'm open, I'm listening to the quiet, worshiping in his creation, and remembering what it really means to love life.

For the first time in a long time, I'm starting to feel just a glimmer of me.

saying good-bye to the distractions in my life

2011-05-23T22:07:00.003-06:00

I believe there is a time and a season to everything. I believe that sitting on the couch and watching other people live out their lives in tv shows can bring a bit of peace when there is none in your life. However, I'm going to make a change. I use to love to write and read and paint. I use to create. I have to come to the conclusion that I MUST do those things again. Simply put, I am withering away, and I need to remember who I am.

I am a confident, courageous, lovable, and mellow woman.

I'm pretty sure I have not been acting in that role. I have been set on survive for far too long.

What does it look like to stop just surviving and start thriving? Well, it starts with turning off the TV, the computer (I know, it's ironic that I'm blogging this, huh?!), and fb. It means more one on one contact. More park trips with my kidlet, a trip to the store to get paint and canvas, sewing supplies, and most of all it means, learning to be me again.

I don't want to give my power away to Nate anymore. I don't want to continue to blame the problems I've been facing in my life since he died on him anymore. There was a time and a place for that. Now is the time to forgo the couch (maybe couch time is OK when reading!) and be that courageous, mellow woman who enjoys tea and painting.

So, does anyone want to hang out with a cup of tea and enjoy a good conversation, paint a picture, or have a park date with me. Cause, I'm ready. Oh, and I think I should probably clean my house again!

I just want to warn you guys, I'm going to check my email and fb about once a day. So, if you want to communicate with me, call me.

Seeds and Life

2011-04-03T22:42:00.003-06:00

Whew, I've made it through another half semester and looks like things are going to ramp up before they end... however, I can make it. I must. I sometimes wonder why I am going to school. Why would I choose to put myself into stress? I think the reason is I want to look back at my life and know that I did not live in fear. I want to live a life of adventure. So, currently my adventure doesn't look too spontaneous, and often it is lived on other people's schedules. However, the adventure for me, is simply doing what I wouldn't ordinarily do. The count down has begun to the end of the semester, a few more credits down, a few more this summer, a few more next year, and poof.. done.

Cole and I planted seeds for our garden today. Every year I want to make the garden a place where we can grow and learn and eat from. So far, it's really only been a learning experience. It's a dang good thing I have never had to grow food to feed my family, because I'm pretty sure we would all have resorted to eating the bark off the trees in the back yard. My green thumb is taking a long time to grow... no pun intended. lol. This year we've got a whole huge pile of compost, I'm going to buy some manure (go figure growing food in poop.. gross right, but "they" say it works), and I've started the wee, tiny seeds inside this year. So, wish me luck, if not for the food, but for the learning process my son is sure to have. I can't wait to see the garden from his eyes. If all else fails, I know the grape vine produces... so, we can have grape jam again next year.

So, realistically, I would love to write every week, but as I'm not a great blogger, lets just say, I'll see you in a month (that's when school is out!).

Another Week

2011-01-10T21:01:00.003-07:00

So, it's been a pj's week so far. I'm feeling rather slothful. However, knowing that school starts up again in a week, sorta makes me feel better about waiting to take a shower until 1pm (OK, some times it's been later! gasp!). I have been stuck at home without a car and with no motivation to really do anything but lounge around and hang out with my little one. So, that's what I've been doing. I'm thinking that maybe I should do art projects with my kiddo this week, so that we're doing something fun and constructive, and let's face it, it's really difficult to stay at home all day with a 3 year old and have nothing to do. Well, that's not entirely true, there's been TV. Which, I'm thinking needs to be cut out (maybe just 2 days a week?). We get too much screen time in... maybe tomorrow we'll do a art project (as long as someone gives me a suggestion) and then we'll bundle up and rake leaves (yes, we've still got those, as our oaks don't drop them until the end of December). Sounds really nice as I'm sitting in a quiet house, smelling bread bake, and feeling all cozy and warm. But, for now, I think I'll go sip on my Malibu rum hot cocoa and watch a movie while thinking about how my freedom to do these types of activities is going to stop soon.

Friendship and bread

2011-01-06T23:02:00.004-07:00

I've been baking again. Our house has been filled with the aroma of bread dough rising and then the warmth of the oven as it bakes into deliciousness. I've also been spending time with friends and savoring the moments where we get to live. The moments of cooking for each other, of meeting in homes and not spending money to get together, but just time and possibility; creating an environment where my child gets to play among the aroma of life and bread. I am loving every moment of life right now. The teaching moments wherein my child needs to be corrected, the joy of his tender heart; reading and laughing together after. The moments where I get to make a new food, not because I am too poor to go out; I am greatly enjoying the idea of food being energy we put into our bodies, and that energy should be of good high quality. The moments in the evening where it is cold and dark out, yet cheery and spirited in the house with thoughts of future adventures we will take (planning the ever returning vacation!) and games being played or movies being watched. I am content with life as it is. Of my family, my house, my furniture, my stuff-- the ability to dream of a new baby someday and find joy in waiting until God places that special person in our lives. Of sewing and painting and creating. I am full with ideas and love.
Tomorrow the library and then friends in different places throughout the day. Oh, and bread, I need to bake bread. Maybe cookies too!

making memories

2010-11-29T22:04:00.005-07:00

I've come to realize that when we try to make memories they often are too documented. When we are spontaneous, that's when the real memories are made.

Busy Bee

2010-10-31T11:18:00.003-06:00

So much for actually blogging frequently. Sorry. My life has been a jumble of family, geology, geography, math, music, homework, homework, homework. I have not had very many moments to myself, let alone to reflect on my blog. I use to think that the busier I was the more I would accomplish. I have found out that's not correct. I am a crummy busy person. I am not a great wife, mom, or student. Let alone a friend. I've been juggling and somehow I've managed to drop a few of the balls. I know that this semester is almost over (lets just say the countdown to finals week is a bigger countdown than I've had in a LONG time). I don't want to give up on school, and I know I need to refocus my priorities. I am a fun loving person and right now there is almost no fun in my life. I am surviving and so it my family. Nothing makes children happier than a grumpy mom, right? So, today, I'm taking a time out. So far, Cole and I are playing hookie from church, we've watched some instant netflix shows on the laptop in my bedroom, eaten not such great food, and for a very brief moment, Cole went splashing in the rain. It's refreshing to take a moment and breathe. I won't have very many more moments like this one, because as the semester wraps up, it'll get busier and more stressful. Next semester I plan on taking far less school. Whew. That's how I've been.

NEVER MOVING

2010-08-20T22:44:00.002-06:00

Can I just say that it's a dang good thing these floors of mine look nice, cause it's a heck of a lot of work to move! I think I won't ever move again, nor will I get my floors re-finished. So, there. We are moving back into your house this weekend and it's Friday and I'm already tired. I'll post pictures of the house when it's done.
Ok, so now onto a movie and relaxing and hopefully a little sleep before more moving tomorrow.

Picture Window

2010-08-11T15:41:00.003-06:00

What would people see if they looked into your house at night? I don't mean the creepy stalker lookers.. I mean, what if we didn't have curtains on our windows and people could see what our lives looked like.

I just took the curtains off our huge picture window in our front room. I have a perfect view of our street and they have a perfect view of me typing on our computer. What if we didn't put up the curtain after our floors are done? Would I be embarrassed, would I be proud?

I don't think I'll leave the curtains off, but it's worth pondering. Am I the same person outside as I am inside?

What are we worth?

2010-08-10T15:40:00.002-06:00

Today we're having our gigantic trees trimmed. I mean it's an all day daunting task. The people I hired are doing a great job. The thing is, I don't think they did a great job at quoting the job. The owner came over last summer after he finished at our neighbor's house and gave me a quote on a business card. I saved it all this time. When I called him this summer, I asked him for a new quote and he said, I'll just do it for what I quoted you last year.

When he showed up this morning, I'm pretty sure he was a little annoyed with himself, because this job is a lot bigger than he thought.

I know my worth is not wrapped up in my job (wife, decorator, diaper changer/momma, cook, appointment taker, bookkeeper, etc), yet it is so easy to see life in those terms. Seems like the two guys who are busting butt outside right now are probably feeling like they are doing this job for nothing. It's not my fault, it's actually poor management. Yet, seeing the look in the man's eyes, while he and his son are working diligently to get the job done makes me want to bless him. I think sometimes it's nice to be appreciated not for what we do, cause it's all the same right... doing doing doing. But for who we are. I plan on tipping this guy pretty good, because he's worth it, not because he deserves it.

I know this is Christ's heart-- we are worth it simply because we are. Period. Nothing I do is going to make a difference, I have to "be" who Christ created me to be, then I can "do" what it takes to "have" the life I want. BE, DO, HAVE. Hum. seems like I learned this somewhere a long time ago, and I've forgotten it. I'm re-learning who I am-- a confident, mellow woman. It is good to be in process and to know I'm growing.

What do I really need?

2010-08-09T16:46:00.003-06:00

So, this week has been moving week for us. I've been packing and packing and cleaning and clearing. I'm moving all my stuff from the front of the house to the back. We're finally getting our wood floors re-finished and in order to do that, the house has to be cleared. It's daunting. I'm moving, without the new house thing. In one way that's great, cause when it comes time to put everything away, it'll be easy. It also means that I'll have a nicer house that I already love.

All this packing makes me think about what I really need. I mean, do I really need 700 blankets and all those sweaters? Right now, no. But, maybe in the future? I guess winter does come every year and I will be thankful for the extra stuff, but really all of it? I've made a huge pile of "donate" stuff, but for the amount of stuff I'm packing up, there should be more- I think.

It's funny how in life I get cluttered up-- I think stuff is more important that people, I think having a clean house with no dust bunnies is the way to go. However, really what does it matter if I am unhappy or don't reach out to those I love? Also, playing a game with my son is so much more fulfilling than sweeping.

I'm growing, I'm learning, and right now I'm living in a cave-- an undecorated slightly dirty with boxes everywhere cave. And, I'm loving it. Hum, here's to next week when I actually unpack everything!

I've been gone

2010-08-08T21:02:00.002-06:00

There hasn't been much to say, but there has been much life lived.

I'm back.

I need this outlet and I need to just express myself. So, here goes again. I love life and I love adventure and this summer has been full of both. I am learning how to love this adventure I am on called Momma. I think the thing that has me, is that I see myself in my little one. I see the ways in which I need to grow-- I've got so many. This thing called selfishness is rising within me, wanting its way, and so often instead of dying to self, I allow it to take a deeper root into my life. I can say all the things I want to do, but if I don't love my little one, all those things might as well just go away. I want to LOVE. To really, truly love. What would that look like in my life? I think that would be me being confident and mellow. Let me chew on that a day or two and get back to you.

For now, I'm back, and trying to look at life through half full glasses.

January poundage

2010-02-02T17:37:00.002-07:00

I lost 8 pounds in January! Yea! So, here's to the next month and the next and so on and so forth!

update on sugar and other such things

2010-01-19T09:33:00.002-07:00

I just wanted to give a little update on my no sweets thing... I'm doing really good. I haven't weighed myself, because I feel like once a month is good. So, on my month birthday (which happens to be Cole's 2nd birthday!) I'll do a weigh in and then see where I need to go from there. I am feeling better about myself and really enjoying not having to eat all the sweets I see.

The other piece of news is that I start school today. I'm excited, a little nervous, and expectant about this semester. I know it's going to be work, and I know it's going to be stretching for me, yet, I'm up for the challenge. I also think it'll be good for Caleb and Cole to learn to be away from my complete taking care of them! Nothing like growing a husband-- he's going to be doing dinner a few nights a week, and he's going to help with the cleaning! AMAZING.

So, that's me. Have a happy Tuesday.

baby

2010-01-05T22:51:00.006-07:00

I bought my almost 2 year old son a baby doll. His fascination started with a Christmas Card I got from my cousin who is expecting, and as I showed it to Caleb, with excitement, my son was in desperate need to see it also. On the card, was a picture of a pregnant gal who is kissing her hubby. Cole wanted to know where the baby was, so I pointed to her belly. Cole then, of course, pointed to my belly, and asked if there was a baby in my belly, then to his own. No, I told him, there wasn't. From then on through the rest of the Christmas season, as he went about his business, he would sometimes stop, pause, point at the card, and say "baby". To top it off, a friend had a real baby, and we've gone to see him a few times, only making it seem more interesting!

Cole loves to go to the gym with me, it's his time to play with other toys, kids, and watch his favorite, "Nemo". There are also babies at the gym. Real ones, and play ones. Last week, I walked in and my son was bundling up a baby doll and rocking it. He was really into it. I didn't say anything to Caleb cause it wasn't a big deal.

This week, we were all 3 in Walmart, and as we were leaving, we perused through the toy isles, thinking of all our favorites and telling Cole which ones he will love someday. As we pass the fish, and turn to leave, we walk down an isle with lots of pink. It's the doll isle. No biggie, he's a boy. Ha. He starts to reach out for one. So, luckily, I find one that is small, and dressed in brown with a puppy on "his" shirt. Cole grabs him from me and quickly, pushes my hand away, saying "No". As if I was going to steal his precious child from him.

So, we bought the baby.

At dinner, it became problematic, because he really wanted the baby to eat, and seeing as the baby isn't real, that created some very dramatic crying.

Today, the baby was snuggled, cuddled, thrown into the crib (that's the only way Cole can get the baby into his bed, and naturally, the child must sleep), and taken everywhere with us.
Here's to the making of a very macho (he had swords, and fights with his daddy everyday), male chef (yes, he got a kitchen for Christmas) who will be a fabulous father.

Oh, and Caleb thinks it's great that Cole is so into being a daddy. It's a great compliment to both Caleb and myself, cause he wants to share his love with someone else!

Almost a week

2010-01-03T19:25:00.003-07:00

Tomorrow it'll be a week of no sweets! It's been going really well so far. I must say, I've drank more coffee than normal.. but I'm not drinking it sweet.
I think it's going so well, because this holiday season was particularly full of sweets and I needed to break it off cold turkey. It's been a relief to just say no. Also, I can't wait to start seeing real results. I will, probably in 3 more weeks. I'll let you know.
That's it for now.

No Sweets Day 1

2009-12-28T19:30:00.003-07:00

I have been a bit too indulgent in my sugar eating, and have decided that the only way to get to where I want to be is to not eat sweets. So, I chose to start now rather than the New Years day because I don't want to wait until Jan to start the cleans of sugars... and that is what the first 2 weeks of not eating sweets is going to be. A cleanse. It's going to be painful. I'm not excited about it. I am however excited about the results I am sure to have. So, here's to the loss of 30 pounds or 6 months (which ever comes first) of no sweets, treats, desserts, or candy. I have done if before and I know I can do it again... it's just so painful today to not sit down with some of the Christmas candy (which I sent to work with Caleb tonight.. so it's long gone by now) and a sweetened coffee while reading Vanity Fair (an interesting read so far). Wish me luck, and I'll let you know how it goes. Also, say a pray for me that I can continue to give the food stronghold--esp sweets-- in my life to God.
Here's to day 2- tomorrow.

School

2009-11-02T19:16:00.004-07:00

I've been going to school FOREVER. Most people don't even know I'm a student. However, even though they don't know, I am. I started back to school about 3 years ago. I am almost a Sophomore. I just hope to complete college by the time my 17 year old brother does. Maybe. I'll at least have my AA degree by then.

This going to college thing, while most of my friends are just doing the normal family life thing, is sort of hard. I have to think about tests and homework and writing papers and such. While they're thinking of diapers, making dinner, and other normal stuff. I have to do both. Which I think makes my education a little better. Not to brag or anything, but when you've got a family to take care of and school to do-- it means you really want both. I do really want both. I think I'm doing good at really wanting both. I have a good GPA (tried to find it just now and can't....hum. probably my fault, cause I can't navigate blackboard very well).

I plan on going to school next semester full time. That means I'm going to get a babysitter probably 2 days a week and actually get more that 3 credits! It also means I have to get up early, make exercise a priority, find good crock pot meals, create a cleaning schedule, and make sure I have time with Caleb and Cole. As crazy as that sounds when I put it down on paper. It makes me excited. I'm excited to jump from 24 credits to to 36 credits. I mean, that's a huge jump for me!!! I'm excited to see the end in sight. I'm also thankful for the pell grant which makes this whole post possible.

The End

I've been inspired

2009-10-26T22:03:00.002-06:00

I have to say that mornings are difficult for me normally, so with this "dark night of my soul" looming on me in every way right now, it's been even harder to get out of bed. Cole has been a little trooper, and plays nicely in his crib until I come and rescue him. (aka we start the day) Now don't get me wrong I'm not sleeping all day, just a bit later that I want. I want to get up earlier that Cole and have a cup of coffee, maybe get a workout in, get some breakfast started, take a shower... you know those kinds of things-- not all of them every day though, I don't want to get up at 5, sheesh!

Caleb, Cole, and I went to McCall last week for a quick get away and we went to bed at 10. 10pm. Let me tell you, I don't remember the last time I went to bed at 10pm. Caleb's been on night shift now for months and it's hard to get to bed at a decent hour when I climb into bed alone, so 10pm is quite early.

This early bed time got me thinking about how much easier it would be to get out of bed early if I just went to bed early. I know, I know, that's a DUH. However, it's just hard to get into the habit of early to bed, early to rise. So, back to the title, I've been inspired, by my friend, Emily, who has two kids and is trying to do the same thing. I think if I do get up and get going everyday, it'll make me a little more productive and feel a little less, well, sad. I know the sadness isn't ever going to go away, however, maybe if I make a habit of getting up early, it'll help the depression a little bit.

Oh, on a side not, I got a hair cut, nothing too exciting, just a trim. I've been looking at pictures of me with long hair and I think I'm going to grow it out long again... wish me luck. I also think I'm going to dye it. Just have to wait for that pay check.
Thanks Kyle, for the idea of shaving it. I don't want to check out of life like Ms. Spears.

Hair

2009-10-18T16:15:00.002-06:00

I'm in a dilemma and I realize that there aren't very many people who read this, but I just needed to vent for a minute. I hate my hair right now. It's getting longer and still has layers from long ago, and I don't want to go get it cut until I know what I want, so I just keep letting it grow and it keeps grossing me out. not to mention, I've got a lot of white hair now peppered throughout my head (due to this wonderfully stressful year, and probably to becoming a mommy) and I don't know what to do about those. Part of me just wants to ignore them and let them grow and go white gracefully, and part of me wants to dye, dye, dye them. However, either solution ticks me off. I mean, I don't want to have to dye my hair and I don't want to have white hair either. I just want my hair back. I want my long, nice, dark hair back. So, there you go. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

sick

2009-10-05T12:48:00.003-06:00

So, today I'm sick. In fact for the last 3 days I'm been sick in bed. I haven't slept this much in ages. It's been really crummy. I mean, if you're going to take a time out in life, shouldn't it be because we want to take a time out? Not because we have to? Like, it sounds really nice to get a hotel room, all by myself, and just watch tv (we don't have cable, so hotel rooms are really fun!) and read a book and maybe go on a walk alone. Just for a day. To take a time out. Nope, planning that type of thing might happen, but most likely, my time outs are like this one. I'm in my room banned from the rest of the house as to not get everyone else sick, and I get to sleep and be on the laptop. And, it's not like I"m just chilling either-- I'm sick. I'm hacking up a lung, and my throat is so sore that it hurts from my ears all the way down to my neck. So much for a time out. So much for a day alone. I get to be with germs. Yum. Wish me good health for the rest of the year.

what was life like?

2009-09-25T11:03:00.003-06:00

So, I've been thinking lately about my life... and I've been thinking about what it was like before had Cole. I honestly can't remember. Isn't that sad? I mean, he's only 20 months (that's almost 2 for all you who don't have kids!). My life has changed so drastically. Like, what did I do with my Saturdays? I know I slept in, and there's something I vaguely remember about being able to go to the movies whenever I want, and hanging out with friends... then there's the fact that I could clean my house and it would stay that way for longer than one evening (cause I clean after Cole's in bed... so, it does stay clean while he's asleep!). Also, my evenings didn't end at 7pm. Wow... when I say it that way, it almost sounds like why even have a kiddo.
However, let me take you through a day in my life: wake up around 8, get the little one dressed and ready for the day, make breakfast, and then we play. We usually go to the gym a couple times a week (although, this month, Cole's had a runny nose for most of it, so we have been going on walks). Then more playing. We eat lunch, nap, play, dinner, play, bath, sleep. We play all day. I mean, we build things together, we run around outside, we throw the ball for Stella, we read tons of books! Cole is an avid reader-- he'll sit by himself and read for 20 minutes at a time; that's like hours to an adult. It's so much fun watching him discover life. He loves somethings and really doesn't like other things. He thinks baby dolls are silly and he love trucks. He loves meat, but doesn't like his veggies. He's pure boy. I love being his mom.
This morning, he woke up really early and was so sad, so I got him a bottle and he came back to bed with me, we snuggled and sort of slept for an hour. He just needed a little bit of love and then he was ready to go back to bed. It was so wonderful-- cause snuggling only happens when we read. so, 1 hour was wonderful. I'm glad I don't watch the movies when they first come out, and I'm glad we do more take out than dine in, and I'm glad we go to the park and play instead of sit at a coffee shop. I love every moment of this little person and I love that my life has had to change-- I've grown more than him in lots of ways. For the first time, I know what really loving someone is.
So, there's my little tangent for today.

2009-06-30T22:56:00.003-06:00

here are a few pictures of my little man. He's growing up fast and it's so fun to watch him!

thoughts

2009-06-23T23:07:00.002-06:00

So, Caleb's been gone for 6 weeks tomorrow. It's hard to believe it's already been 6 weeks. Only 2 more to go! We've talked about 40 minutes total and I've only gotten 2 letters. I don't think I would have signed up for this if I would have known. However, it really has made me think about all the things in my life I take for granted. I just assume Caleb is going to come home every day and help with Cole-- and sometimes I don't even thank him for his help and willingness to not only provide for our family financially, but also come home and change diapers. I know I needed to take a step back from life and relearn what is important.
The loss of my big brother, grandma, and now my husband (in a different way, but still, he's not here and not available for me to call) has made me realize that I should cherish every moment. I don't want to miss a thing in life and I don't want to live my life wishing for something more. I want to be the kind of person who is looking towards the future, AND totally present in the now. I'm learning everyday what that looks like. It's an amazing journey.
All that to say, I'm ready to be done learning the lesson and have my Hubby back. I miss him! Can I just say, these next two weeks might be the longest yet? Pray for me to keep on keeping on. I'm tired and would really love the chance to not be mom for a day.
OK, on that note, I have to go to bed... I have to get up in the morning.

My Uncle Danny

2009-06-13T18:48:00.003-06:00

Hi! So, I just have to brag about my uncle Danny for a minute. I asked him to paint me a couple pictures (he's an artist and I love his stuff! Check him out on ebay Danny Byl is his name) for our sun room. Well, he totally came through for me and I am loving them! Here are the pictures!
All the boats are named after my family: Caleb, Cole, Meg, Nate, Wanda (my grandma who just died), Denny, Sue, and Colin! Such a huge blessing to me. Thanks Uncle Danny!

Life

2009-05-26T21:25:00.004-06:00

Life this year has been a challenge. I am constantly feeling overwhelmed. I am tired. Emotionally and Physically. Some days I just want to sleep all day. Yet in the midst of all this change, sorrow, and faith. I am still breathing. I am waking up every morning and doing what needs to get done, I am also so thankful for all the little things in my life. I am so glad that Caleb is gone now. I know that sounds sort of weird, like why would I be happy after the year I've had, with hospitals, deaths, and sadness to have my husband gone for 2 months. Well, I am the most confident in who I am right now. I know I wouldn't have been able to send my husband off to Boot Camp any other time in our marriage. I would have been too selfish. Now, I see life is fleeting. The moment only lasts a second and then the opportunity is gone. I want to live life with out regret and one of those things is encouraging my husband and those around me to take life while we've got it and do what we desire. I don't mean, run off and be nuts. But, live out your dreams. Plus, through all of this, my cousin Dannie moved to Boise. I love it. I love getting to know her. I love having a partner here while Caleb's gone. I love feeling myself grow. It's a good hard time in my life right now. Oh, and I did plant my small garden... just a few peppers, cucumber, and tomato! Oh, and here's a few videos for Nona.

Yellow Dress

2009-05-23T23:42:00.002-06:00

I wore a yellow dress a friend gave me today. I was reading a book on my back porch in a rare moment of quiet. I was really enjoying myself. Then I realized that I was being swarmed by little gnat type bugs. They were landing on me. I would swat them away, and then they would be back. I think they thought they had scored big-- I mean, the biggest yellow flower ever. So, I went inside and changed. I am bothered by enough things in life that I do not need to willingly let bugs crawl all over me. It is nice to be noticed and loved, but not by insects.

Missing

2009-05-20T21:55:00.001-06:00

I am missing my hubby. He's in week 2 of boot camp with the Air Force National Guard... and we have 7 1/2 more weeks to go. I miss, miss, miss him.

When will it end?

2009-04-29T21:18:00.003-06:00

So, my post today is all about ending... my job is ending soon as well as my political science class (which, I swear me professor must think I make up so many excuses, cause let me tell you, I've missed class more times this semester than like the last 3 combined... whose sister-in-law almost dies, goes to disneyland, and then looses a brother. Come on. how can my real life sound like a load of excuses to get out of class. if only!). Hum... I'm just thinking about summer like I use to when I was a kid in full time school. It was nice to look forward to summer, and here I am again, looking forward to summer. I plan on going on lots of bike rides, swimming in the kiddie pool with my kiddo, and eating lots of frozen juice pops (cause that'll be a blast to give to Cole this summer!! Ha ha, he's going to get it everywhere!). I also plan on working on a project-- mainly I want to plan an informational 5-10k run in honor of my brother, Nate. I want it to be about drug addiction being a disease. I want information to get out to people. The people who started the Susan G. Koman run started somewhere and look at where they've come. Amazing to see! I want that. So, here's to looking forward to summer in all its glory, hot sticky days and dreaming of adventures as well as big projects. Speaking of projects, if you're in our area, you should check out the nice new lawn we've got in the back yard-- yes, Caleb layed sod today (not the whole yard, but the part that's been gross for the past year!). I'm such a happy girl!
Good-Night. Here's to 3 more days of work and summer right ahead!

Pictures

2009-04-13T13:30:00.003-06:00

I figured that some cute pictures of my kid would be appreciated! :) We walked to a park close by and had a really fun time with Cole. it's such a blast to be able to start playing with him outside!

Sunshine

2009-04-09T10:21:00.002-06:00

Just a little note-- life seems a little cheerier today. It's sunny, it's almost Easter, and I am drinking a latte. Not to mention, my kiddo is napping. Thanks for the loving comments to my last post. I am encouraged to know so many people are on my side and loving me (not to mention, people are actually reading my blog! go figure!). Here's to a great weekend.

be, do, have

2009-04-07T09:33:00.002-06:00

Today I woke up, rolled out of bed, showered, ironed my pants, changed my baby, and ran off to work. I'm here now. I usually can't wait to get home from work. It's that I would rather be anywhere else but here. Not because I don't particularly like this job, but because I don't like any job.

I like to just be free.

However, I've realized that I have a hard time being joyful in the here and now. I'm always looking forward, moving. There's been a huge shift in my life from Nate's death. I've realized that I'm almost always looking for the next best thing. I am having a really hard time grieving. In order to grieve, I would have to sit and think about the now. I would have to face what's going on here. I would have to be content with my life as it stands without my big brother, without hoping I would loose weight, not work, the weather would get better, or any number of things I blame my lack of contentment on. I would have to face the sorrow, face the reality of my life and still find joy in the middle of it.

How do I face all the things in my life? Do I have to read some sort of self-help book? I hate self-help books. I read the Bible and the words stick to the roof of my mouth like a dry piece of bread. I find no joy in them. I pray, yet the words seem to come back unheard. I talk and the talking turns to noise. I'm quite and I have to run-- I can't seem to just sit quietly and be.

I am a confident, courageous, lovable, and mellow woman. I know the "be" part of me, now what do I need to "do" in order to "have" the life I want?

Moving. Always Moving.

2009-03-31T13:06:00.002-06:00

Lots has been going on in my little head these last few weeks. I am moving. I am always moving. Maybe not physically, but mentally. I realized that much of the way I cope with hard spots is to move-- to run away. If I can't run away physically, I run away emotionally, or I run to a movie or even food. I run. I don't want to face the pain. I don't want to deal with Nate's death. I want everything to be ok. What is ok? I don't have any idea. I don't know how to explain death to myself, so how do I talk about it with people? And, the other big question, is how do I deal with people who don't even acknowledge my pain. I spent some time with a girlfriend recently, and she kept saying the stupidest things-- like she couldn't understand why I was tired (duh, the most emotionally exhausted I've ever been... not to mention, I have a 14 month old who is just learning to walk... it's not like I get to take naps during the day or just take life easy) or why Cole wasn't being himself (hum, lets think about it, Cole understands I'm stressed), or why I was sad. At one point, I looked at her and said, My brother died. She still didn't get it. How do I deal with people who just really don't get it-- I understand that lots of people haven't had death near them, but to not even try. Come on.
So, to anyone who doesn't know what to say when they're faced with death, say, "I'm sorry, this really sucks." Hug the person. Tell them you love them. Then follow up with "this just really sucks."
The End for now

And so we say good-bye

2009-03-21T00:50:00.003-06:00

We buried my brother today. Yesterday I said my final good-bye to his still form. He lay in the casket, I read a letter to him, crying the whole time, and then I kissed his cold face good-bye. The last good-bye. The last time I will ever look into his face. The last time I will ever see my brother on this side of heaven. Good-bye, my big brother, good-bye. Today, at his funeral, we sat and cried as a family. We shared moments of our time with him. We even laughed a little bit. We celebrated his life. It was a bitter sweet celebration. We then went to the grave yard, and lowered his casket into the ground-- his final resting place. I walked away today knowing I loved my brother hard, he loved me hard. I want to live in such a way that I don't miss a moment. Life is fleeting, and I want to capture everything I can while I can. Live life large, love deeply, and cherish your loved ones. Good-bye, Nate.

What do I say

2009-03-13T23:23:00.003-06:00

How do I express the depth of loss I feel? I don't know. I feel like a piece of me has died along with my brother. My brother, dead, how can that be? He was full of life- perhaps too full. He lived life to the extreme. I loved that about my brother. I hated that about my brother. He was never afraid to say his mind, to live out loud, to be adventurous. He was smart, yet made bad choices. He was so funny and had this contagious laughter-- I couldn't help but laugh along, even if it was something we shouldn't laugh at-- like the Chin (that's a joke between him and me) He was someone I always looked up, even when he was troubled. I couldn't help but look up to Nate. I couldn't help but love him. He knew me my whole life. He was there teaching me to swim, to ride a bike, to tumble. He helped me grow up in many ways, some ways were hard. I learned we can have the greatest families, and still choose drugs. I learned that sober Nate and not sober Nate were very different people. I learned to love him even when he wasn't himself. That to judge people is so very wrong, we just don't know where they're at in their journey. He was itching to have peace. He was always searching, not realizing that the God who loves him, wanted Nate to be at peace in Him. Nate did love Jesus. Nate always spoke of his relationship with Jesus. He was solid on that point. He just had an addiction-- to sin. Don't we all. Why does some sin kill? Why does some sin entice us to such depths? I don't know.
I sit and think of Nate. I think of how it seems like he was just here visiting me while I was pregnant. How thankful I am that I left a birthday party early to spend time with Nate. That was the last time I saw him. I will miss my big, spontaneous brother. I will miss his lanky hugs, his crooked smile, his insatiable laugh. I will even miss his teasing. I will love him forever, I will love him for always, as long as I'm living, my brother he'll be.
So much sorrow. How can I handle it? I don't know. I don't know.

Garden

2009-02-28T14:34:00.001-07:00

I'm thinking about doing a garden this year. I want to have fresh veggies right at my fingertips this year and so, I'm seriously thinking about getting out there and making it happen. I think I want to plant tomatoes, cause even though they're not my favorite veggie, they're really good for you and yummy in salads. I'm also thinking lettuce or cabbage, onions (maybe chives?), pumpkin, zucchini, peppers, and blueberries (which wouldn't produce this year, but would in future years). Possibly rosemary and and suggestions on other herbs? I have to do the planting in my front yard so the dog doesn't get into it... she's great at digging things up! Also, I get better sun in the planters of my front yard. So, the garden would be sort of all around the yard and not just in one spot. Do you think I'm being too ambitious? Any suggestions on veggies I've missed or should do instead. Hum, I'm dreaming of summer. Lazy hot days of summer! I can't wait for Cole to start walking, cause man, we're going to have fun this summer with him!!!
The End

Pictures!!

2009-02-23T11:20:00.002-07:00

Disneyland

2009-02-19T20:34:00.002-07:00

Hey, we're having a blast! Cole is doing wonderfully and really enjoyed some of the rides! He loved it's a small world! I would post pictures, but I'm not sure if Caleb brought the camera cords... so, if I can, I will. if now, it'll be when we get home. :)

Amazing

2009-02-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

God is so awesome! Hannah came home from the hospital today and it recovering at Lee and Nancy's home. Yea! We are so encouraged to see her recovery in her body and are praying for a recovery in her heart. Keep praying for her God journey!
On another note, we're going to DISNEYLAND tomorrow!!! Yea. I'm so excited. So, I'll post pictures of that trip later!

Update on Hannah

2009-02-13T10:40:00.002-07:00

I just wanted to say a little update on Hannah. She's breathing on her own now and is awake. She's fully aware of her surroundings and who she is. As well as who we are. It's AMAZING! She doesn't remember anything that happened over the last week and they say she may never remember. So, we might never have answers to our questions. She's still in ICU, however, they're expecting to move her this weekend (hopefully!). Her feet are still tender and her right foot (the one with frost bite) is still deep purple at the toes and the bottom of her foot. However, things are healing at an incredible speed! Thanks for praying. We're not out of the water yet-- I feel like things are still unstable until she's out of ICU. Keep praying. Thanks!

Be Praying

2009-02-10T08:21:00.003-07:00

Hi friends,
My Sis-in-law, Hannah was found on Sunday morning in the foothills of Boise with severe hypothermia--her body temp was 64 degrees and she had no pulse. Somehow the medical team at St Luke's brought her back to life and she is in the ICU. She is back to normal body temp and is responding to treatment better than we could ever have hoped for. She is moving and is trying to do sign language and she is responding to our voices-- last night when Caleb was visiting her, she was looking at him and started to cry when he told her he needed to go. She's in there! It's amazing. We don't know if there is any/what the brain damage is as we don't know how long she was out and without oxygen. She is on a respirator and today they're going to see if she can breathe on her own & then the next step will be swallowing on her own. She lost a shoe while she was out on the hill and so she's got some frostbite on her right foot. Pray for healing in her brain and toes. And for peace upon our family. Thank you. I'll update as soon as I know more.

Birthdays!

2009-02-06T10:41:00.004-07:00

So, my husband and son had their birthdays last week and I have been lazy about posting pictures. Because I have to load them onto the computer and then reformat them to post them and sometimes it gets to be a tedious project. However, I wanted to show off my kiddo (We actually didn't get any pictures of Caleb's birthday! Sad, huh?!) and his funny cup cake eating. Enjoy!

yum!

opening gifts... the paper was way more fun!

1st time at Bogus

this was just too funny

ninjas on grandpop's birthday

Feeling better

2009-02-05T11:04:00.002-07:00

I had a good long cry this weekend about Caleb's joining the Air Guard. Not because I don't want him to join, but because God is growing me and causing me to get out of my comfort zone. Once, I was able to express my heart on the matter and have Caleb listen and love me through it, I have been able to get excited about it. I've even been able to defend our choice and support my husband to someone who normally questions every life choice we make. It felt good. I know God is in this thing, because even though I'm uncomfortable, I'm a peace. God is the Prince of Peace, so having peace about our decision is huge. So, all of you out of town friends, be open to me visiting for a long weekend this fall! I'm going to need stuff to do. Also, anyone who wants to hang out with me-- come on over!

16 1/2 weeks

2009-02-02T12:42:00.004-07:00

No, the 16 1/2 weeks does not pertain to pregnancy. It is how long Caleb will most likely be gone this fall. Let me back up a little bit....
So, last month Caleb came to me and told me he might want to be in the Air National Guard-- you know 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks a year. I wasn't too excited about it, yet I know the military has always been in his heart, so I've been praying about it and gathering information. Last week we went to visit with the recruiter out at Gowan Field Air base. We went over our list of questions and got lots of great information and 1 piece of not great information-- we found out that he'll be in boot camp for 8 1/2 weeks and then go straight to his job training for another 8 weeks. that's a grand total of 16 weeks. He'll probably leave in August and not get home until Christmas. That's a LONG time. The good points of the job are that he'll get a $20,000 bonus for joining, the GI bill and it's kicker (meaning he'll get about $675 a month if he goes to school full time) and also the tuition reimbursement from the state of Idaho for about $100 a credit (when he goes to school full time). We'll also be able to get better insurance and be able to stick it to Blue Cross forever. And, there's the VA retirement benefits and loan stuff. Now the big question I had was what about the war... well, I guess about 98% of the guys that are overseas with the Air Guard have volunteered. So, there's a 2% chance that he'll go against our wishes. That's not huge and he'll only have to go for 45-60 days. Not bad considering he'll be gone for training for 16 1/2 weeks!! So, all that to say, we're going to have huge changes this year. Pray for me... I don't look forward to the long separation. Yet, I know it's God and I know we can make it through and be better because of it.

ER visit

2009-01-29T19:45:00.002-07:00

So on Jan 3, at 5am, Caleb, Cole and Myself went to the ER because I had been up all night with severe pains in the right side of my stomach. I had puked about 10 times in 4 hours and was out of my mind in pain. This was way worse than childbirth. Way worse. We thought it might be my appendix. So, off we went to the ER. I got pain meds and a CT scan and was told that I had a major block in my intestines. So, laxatives, smooth move tea, and Epsom salt water was what I lived on for about a week. I was a little old woman who couldn't stand up straight because of the pain. And, I didn't want to eat because of the fear of more pain. I lost about 8 pounds that week (bummer, it didn't stay off!). I also had canceled my insurance because of their unwillingness to pay for Cole's birth... and hey, I don't ever get sick, haven't used my insurance at all for 3 years... so we decided together to cancel it. It took effect on Jan 1. Perfect, huh? Guess what I got in the mail today. The bill. $3899.66. That's a lot of money for a 2 hour visit to the hospital. A lot of Money!

I won!!

2009-01-25T12:03:00.002-07:00

So many of you know that I've been in a huge, big, long fight with my insurance provider-- Blue Cross of Idaho-- over their unwillingness to cover the birth of my kiddo (last year 1/28!). I've appealed them 3 times and have made lots of phone calls (which, have you ever called the insurance company before- it's like a 30 minute minimum! And with a baby, that's an eternity!). I finally got a letter from the vice president saying that because they informed me badly, they were going to cover Cole's birth! Yea. I got excited, yet the check didn't come. So, I waited and gave them time, and all the while thought to myself that I wasn't actually going to get the check. Low and behold, yesterday I got the check!! All $1769.13 of it. I have to say that sometimes being a pain in the butt gets you what you want. So, I just wanted to #1 say that I'm so happy I won a fight against the man and #2 I am pleased to say that insurance isn't always a crock.

snowboarding

2009-01-22T19:34:00.001-07:00

tomorrow we're going snowboarding. I'm pretty excited. I feel like I'm a teenager again... except when I fall it hurts a lot more.
I can't think of anything else to say. So, that's that.

Sigh

2009-01-14T19:09:00.002-07:00

All is quiet in my house. Cole is sleeping, Caleb is off doing some heroic deed for someone and I am home. The fire is burning out and I am sitting here thinking about life. I sometimes get angry or frustrated over small things and wonder why. Why do i care. Why can't I just live and love. I want to. I want to not get stuck. I look back at the last year- the year that has changed all of my future. The year that has defined me and changed me in ways I do not know how to express. I sit here thinking about my almost 1 year old. The sleeping baby in the other room-- the one who just 1 year ago, i still didn't know. I think about all the years to come, just 17 more with him in my house. All the changes that will take place, in our family, my personal life, and hopefully my spiritual journey. I am nostalgic tonight. I am feeling a bit old, a bit like a person I once knew, yet grown up all of a sudden. I have worries I never thought I would have, and fights I never wanted to have. Heck, I dream of refinishing our hard wood floors-- if that doesn't speak grown up, I don't know what does. yet, inside of me, I'm just a kid. A kid who is searching for love, for acceptance, and approval. I am a kid who doesn't feel like I'm 'doing' life right. Like somehow I threw the manual of life away and can't get it back.
I want to have joy to have freedom from the worries and stresses. I want to find it in the small things. I think I do-sometimes- and then I think I totally forget it because I'm cleaning diapers again. Can I find joy in that? I guess so, Cole is a baby and I am blessed with him. I want to find joy in it all and stop being grumpy. This is my first step-- acknowledging it. I can't change or heal what I do not acknowledge. I can have joy and not just live-- but really live.

2008-12-28T12:13:00.003-07:00

Where had the time gone?

2008-12-27T23:17:00.003-07:00

I don't think I've even looked at my blog since I wrote the last post. I don't know why either. There has been lots of fun stuff to talk about and I just forgot. Go figure. I think I'll blame it on being a mom. Sometimes, like today, I think to myself what have I done and I can't really think of anything, but I know my day was busy.... so, here's a recap of the last little while:
-Caleb's parents moved into town and the whole Roe/Mansfield clan spent Thanksgiving together.
-We cut our Christmas tree down in the woods and Cole rode on Daddy's back the whole time.
-I had finals at BSU and got an A in my class-- I actually got an invitation into the Alpha Kappa Something-- the Sorority for the highest GPAs at BSU. Cool, huh? I'll just leave that for someone else... but it was a cool letter to get!
-I decided to apply to CWI because I'm trying to get an AA in Elementary Education and just so happens that's one of their "majors". So, I think I'll pay less than half the price and get educated over in Nampa!
-I went to get a trim and left with a really cute a-line hair cut that falls at about my chin. Who knew when I woke up that morning I would even get my hair cut! I love it! However, with all the moisture in the air, I've got a bit of a Texas big hair thing going on! ;)
-We had a great Christmas on Christmas Eve-- Caleb worked the real day. However, it was just as fun spending time together as a family and showing Cole what Christmas morning is like! He didn't get the whole opening the packages thing! He does like his new toys!
-Snow, Snow, and more Snow! We're getting dumped upon... well, I don't know if we're actually getting snow right now, but it snowed all day today- like 4 inches. Or maybe more! I don't actually know, because Cole is sick and so I've been stuck inside for 2 days. 2days people. I think I might go crazy. The poor kid had a cough and a fever and a runny nose. I'm not sure if he's getting a new tooth or just plain sick. But, either way, he's a sad little boy and so we're not going into the crappy weather to make him feel worse. So, I'm the mommy who gets to stay home while daddy goes to work. And by home, i really mean home. I've got cabin fever... and I've still got all day tomorrow. there's only so much laundry to do.
Alright, well there's the update. I'll get the camera and upload pictures tomorrow so you can see how much our little kiddo (who turns 11 months tomorrow!) had grown and see my new cute hair!
Bye!

Quick Trip

2008-11-17T10:10:00.003-07:00

This weekend My mom, Cole, and myself went to Salt Lake City to visit with my grandma and great aunt who were in Salt Lake City for a week doing genealogy stuff. Turns out on my mom's side, I'm related to one of the captains who sailed over here and settled Jamestown! And, my grandpa on the Mansfield side has tracked us back to the Mayflower. So, I'm pretty much an American through and through!
Anyways, we had a great time in Salt Lake... I hadn't ever been the Temple Square and so we went over and checked it out-- it's a little creepy. I didn't want to stay for too long. We also went to the capitol building. So, I thought I would include a few pictures of that. It's a pretty impressive building. I wish we had buildings that were made to be beautiful and not just utilitarian.

It's the holiday season...la la la

2008-11-10T09:37:00.002-07:00

I'm really excited about the holidays this year. Not because of presents or tasty food (cause chances are I won't have a lot of either!) but because we get to be around our families this year. We have relationship with all of our family now (that seemed like it might never happen) and we have this beautiful, drooling, snot nosed munchkin.
So much has changed in my heart over the last year-- it's been hard! I want to make things about me all the time, but the fact is, life just isn't about me. Yes, I am in life and I am a valuable person, yet, now that I have a little one, I realize that there is so much more to life that hanging out with friends and having time for myself. I not only want to grow Cole into a mature adult, but I want to help those who are in need. I find myself being stretched to the limits on what I think I can handle and what I trust God with-- yet isn't that God-- he takes us just to where we feel we can't do it anymore and then gives us a break. Then the next time, He stretches more! I want to be a loving person in all situations and not be judger (in the Myer's brigs personality test, that's what I am)-- life is not all black and white. I want to be a person who loves like Jesus--someone who loves people through their faults and issues. I know this stuff seems elementary, but for me, the person who always sees right vs. wrong and why can't people just do what's right, this has been huge.
So, what does all of this have to do with Christmas? Well, I have had a hard time loving some of my family with out reservation. Having Hannah with us for almost a month stretched me, and I grew. I know God used that time for good- both with her and with us. And, I know the holidays can been a time of loving family and being in fellowship with each other. Even though I don't agree with everyone's choices (and really, who does!) I can love them. I want to love them. It's far more important that always being "right".
So, here's to Thanksgiving, to Christmas, and to family.
Now, I better go.... Cole's runny nose it probably all over his face. EWWW

Elections, Birthdays, 10 pounds, and haircuts

2008-11-06T10:25:00.003-07:00

Well, I feel like I should say something about Obama being our next president. I think things are going to look like they're getting better, but overall our nation is going to get worse-- like taxes are going to go up, moral issues are going to be challenged, and as I'm thinking about it- Cole might be almost 9 when Obama leaves the presidency. A lot could change, and I could be surprised and maybe he could be the best thing for our Nation- maybe God is taking us to our knees only to draw us closer to Him. I have to remember that God is still in control and I don't have to give into fear or the what ifs of this disapointing election result.

Last night we had Hannah's birthday celebration at our house. I made ribs, potatoes, and grean beans. YUM! I boiled the ribs first and then broiled them. I have to say, this is the way to get juicy, yummy ribs. I highly reccomend it. I even ate mine with out bbq sauce (can't have sugar or vinegar... pretty much can't have any sauces) and it was wonderful. Those that stayed late played games and hung out and it was really great to be with family!

10 pounds. That's how much I've lost doing this cleanse. I feel great, and don't have a tummy anymore (well, I do, but it's not sticking out very much!). Enough said.

I got a hair cut yesterday. I decided that I needed something new and different-- I had let me hair grow and grow and it was getting longish. So, I got about 4 1/2 inches cut off, a few layers, and now I feel cute again! Amazing what a little change and 15 minutes can do! Next week I'm going to get highlights and then I'll post a picture for everyone. \

The End

Fall Days

2008-10-31T17:54:00.002-06:00

We had a fun day today. We've been going to baby story hour at the library on Fridays for about a month now and today, being Halloween, they had all the kids dress up. So, Cole got to wear the skunk costume Uncle Nate bought for him! Isn't he too cute!

It's hard to believe Cole is already 9 months old.

This fall had been really beautiful and Caleb took Cole into our street this week and got a few cute pictures. The tree in our yard has never been so red before!

Auntie Hannah and Cole got to be really close while she and her friend, Trist, stayed with us. I think this is one of the only ones we got while she was with us (for almost a month!)

So, that's about it. I don't really have a lot going on... I'm still doing the cleanse and it's going well. I'm learning what I can and can't eat... and have decided that life is kind of boring without good food. That's ok though, cause I'm feeling great.

Bye for now.

so far so good.

2008-10-23T09:37:00.001-06:00

Hey... so, I'm into this new eating thing for a week now and things are going good. I think I have a pretty good grasp of what I can eat and what I can't... meaning I'm figuring out the whole meal planning thing. It's been a really hard first week, but I made it... I'm even feeling like I've lost some weight. So, that's a plus!
That's all for now.

New Diet

2008-10-20T21:37:00.004-06:00

So, I'm doing this new diet... well, it's not a weight loss diet, it's a getting my system all set up and back on line. I have candida and I'm sarving the little buggers out, so I'm not eating and wheat, rice, starch, sugar, fruit (except berries, grapefruit, and lemons), or dairy (except plain yogurt). So, that leaves veggies, meat, tofu, and that's about it. I'm having a hard week. I started on Thurday and will being doing this lovely diet until I'm all clean and clear and under control. And, hopefully it allows me to get back into my normal jeans! Here's hoping.

Lets see.. oh, Caleb's little sis and her friend have been staying with us for a little over 2 weeks now and it's been a lot of fun. Hannah and Trist are the best house guests we've ever had-- they do the dishes and sweep and such, not to mention, they're always available to hang out. Caleb's been working a lot lately, so it's been kind of nice to have someone around.

We've been enjoying the lovely weather we've been having this week-- Cole and I have been going on walks, and we even get Caleb to go to Harrison Blvd with us and walk around Saturday night. It was a lot of fun! I think Caleb didn't enjoy it as much as I did though, cause we went to Red Lobster for all you can eat shrimp and he ate. Need I say more?

Alright, well, that's enough for now. I'll try to be better about posting this week. Maybe I'll do it more than once!

Oh, and just for kicks, here are some pictures!

today

2008-10-10T17:51:00.001-06:00

Well, we've had some crazy weather today. Let's just say I want to snuggle up with a toasty fire and drink hot cocoa!

Pictures!

2008-10-10T17:47:00.002-06:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I keep thinking I will tomorrow... and well, here are a few new pictures! We have a little boy who is growing heaps and learning new stuff everyday. So, I thought you might like to see what he's been doing.

Life and Love

2008-09-30T12:47:00.002-06:00

Hi. I don't have a heap to talk about, but I wanted to say hey! Oh, guess what? Caleb got me a lap top! he's working a day of over time so we can afford it... so now I'm a real student, a real blogger... however I haven't taken it anywhere because I don't have a bag... that's next on the to buy list! I am at work right now, so I can't put any picture on my blog.. so sorry. :(
Um lets see... oh, pray for our insurance birth situation. I've been resubmitting it for 5 months now and they still won't pay for the birth-- even though they told me in the first place last August that they would. So, I'm appealing it. I'm using Pre Paid Legal to write me a nice letter and then i'm getting all my facts together on why having my baby at the birthing center is a better place-- ie less $, no complications or meds, and an environment I felt safe in. Anyways, I'm doing lots of research and have written a pretty good letter myself (I think!). So, it's all got to be put together by the end of the week and then I'm sending it in. Pray that they would see our side of it, and that they were the ones to misinform us.
ok, that's about it.
Bye for now.

Art class

2008-09-23T21:33:00.002-06:00

Tonight I spent the whole of my art class actually doing art! It was so much fun. We did little kid art, so it wasn't anything too special, but it was really fun. We cut out a picture from colored paper. I would scan it, but I think my scanner would rip off the paper and I need it for my portfolio for the end of class. The portfolio is worth 75% of my grade... so sorry, no pics.
Hope you are having fun at whatever you are doing!

For Nona!

2008-09-20T11:17:00.002-06:00

Pictures!

2008-09-20T11:09:00.012-06:00

In front of Christ Church

In Independance Hall

Rocky Statue at Philidelphia Art Museum (on my birthday!)

Funny wedding shot

Sam, Ethan, Caleb, and Cole

My Men!

The wedding

Waiting for the wedding to start!

Where have I been?

2008-09-18T08:56:00.003-06:00

Sorry it's been so long. I have been processing stuff from my last post and haven't really felt like there was much to talk about.

I do have some stuff to talk about now! We went on a trip to Philadelphia, PA for a wedding this last weekend and had a great time! I was also my birthday weekend- where I turned 24. I can't believe I'm almost half way through my 20's. Time flies. We had a blast in the city of brotherly love. Got to go to the most amazing art museum that I've been to in America. (you know the place- where Rocky climbed the steps during his training!) and also got to see the Liberty Bell and Independance Hall as well as Christ Church (it's one of the oldest churches in America. They've held service there for over 300 years!). There were so many other things to see and do, but we only had 2 days in the city. So, we crammed about 3 days worth of site seeing and have called it a great trip.

Oh, and the wedding was beautiful- it was set in this country estate with wonderful landscape and trees. It was so pretty. I'm so thankful that we were able to make it. Samantha, the bride, is one of Caleb's childhood friends, and I know she was blessed that we were there.

On a side note, I am going to be working out extra hard the next few weeks. I got asked if I was pregnant again-- at the wedding, by the bride's grandpa! Nice, huh? I don't think I look pregnant, but maybe other people think I do. I'm totally sick of this extra 15 pounds, and this was a really hard thing to hear. So, I'm going off of sugary things again and plan on working out a couple times a week. Wish me luck and don't ever tell someone congratulations for being pregnant when you aren't sure and they don't look like they're 8 months along!

The End
Pictures to follow sometime soon.

I'm in Process

2008-09-05T09:51:00.002-06:00

I did it again-- I got really frustrated and upset about something I could do nothing about. Why am I getting so mad? Why am I not living out of who I know I am- that is a confident, courageous, lovable, and MELLOW woman. I seem to have forgotten who I am somewhere along the last few months. I am so ready to blame everyone else and even blame my emotions for how I'm feeling. Yet, I don't sit down and think about my part in it-- or even if I don't have a part-- I don't sit down and calm down. Who cares if someone almost hit me last week. They didn't. Who cares if I drove to Caldwell yesterday to buy something and the person wasn't home due to issues I didn't know about. In the whole scheme of things, these little trivial things don't matter. As my mom use to tell me "don't make mountains out of mole hills". I don't want to be stuck here being that person anymore. I want to relax and be ok with other's crap, knowing who I am and being able to pray for them, rather than get so angry with them.
Do you ever feel like you know what to do and don't do it? It's so hard to be who God made me to be. Please pray for me as I continue on in my process.

No good, Very bad day

2008-08-25T16:49:00.003-06:00

Do you ever have days where you're going along and every few hours it seems like you might loose it and cry right in front of anyone who is around? Today was one of those days for me. I had a frustrating morning where I had to redo some work I thought I had gotten done perfect-- and now just redo it, but I felt like I was an idiot for not getting it right in the first place, I forgot to pay a credit card, so I had to make a call and get that ironed out, then I had to get my mom out of a pinch where she left her laptop at the grocery store (surprisingly someone turned it into lost and found!), then I was almost deliberately hit in the parking lot of Albertson's... if I hadn't noticed that the moron was trying to pass my on the right while I was turning right I would have been hit- then when I followed him into the store (I was heading into Albertson's and figured I should at least ask him why he would try to hit a woman with a baby) he said I was the problem and should drive better. So, then it just turned into a he said she said type of conversation, so I walked around Albertson's with a blind rage (my momma bear instincts came out for sure) and almost broke down crying in the shampoo isle.
Now I'm home. I'm not going anywhere or doing anything. I'm ready for bed and it's only 5pm. Cole's crying in his crib, cause we never made it home for his afternoon nap & I'm starting to think it's a lost cause. I just want to move onto tomorrow.
Sliver Lining- I got paid double for the redo job this morning, so that's wonderful!

New Moves

2008-08-23T16:05:00.003-06:00

Hi. I just thought you would like to see Cole's crawling.. I think it's pretty cute!

Working girl

2008-08-21T09:03:00.002-06:00

Hi! So, this week has been a very big week for us. We are getting carpet today in our sunroom. Then all we have to do is get the final coat of paint on the trim around the doors and paint the French doors from the kitchen into the sunroom. Oh, and at some point we're getting a shelving unit built, but we have to wait for that (you know, everything was just a little more and we ran out of moola!) So, tonight Caleb and I are going to watch a movie sitting on carpet in our new room! We're really excited! Soon we'll have a BBQ and movie night and invite everyone over. However, seeing as most of you who read this don't live in town, well, it'll be either very small or a different group of people! :)
I've also been working this week. It cracks me up that what I use to consider a long day now is a break! Sitting at a desk answering phones and talking with adults is a huge break from a 6 month old! I've worked 2 days this week and 1 day last week. I'm just filling in at my last job and don't plan on being here after today... so don't go thinking I've gotten myself a professional job or anything. I am going to be nannying starting the first week of September on Tues and Thurs. I'm really excited about it!
Oh, I have to say my hubby finally hung up a mirror in our room last night. I bought the mirror 2 years ago at a garage sale and asked him to help me hang it up and well, it got put in the garage and forgotten by him and sometimes by me. I would think about it every so often and hope that someday it would come and live in the house. And, yesterday caleb cleaned out the garage and found the mirror and I got it cleaned up and he actually hung it last night at 10pm! it is beautiful and amazing and I didn't even have to bug him- he just did it! So, yea.
The End

Charlie dies

2008-08-18T12:34:00.002-06:00

I have been watching lost and I am so sad. Last night I watched the episode that Charlie dies in. This is why I shouldn't watch tv. These people have become friends to me and then when the writer kills them off, I am so sad. What's the deal!?
I also wanted to tell you that I am still an old woman, because I cannot live without my back brace. Ok, that's it. Cole is sleeping and I need to be working. Have a great day all!

2008-08-12T14:23:00.015-06:00

This is on the Queen Mary ShipCole and Caleb during dinner

We've got a 6th month old!

I just thought this was funny!

The boys went into Avalon with out me! I had almost a whole day off!!!

Friday night at Camp

Cole was sleeping, so all we see is his feet!

Meeting great grandpa Rampenthal!

Meeting Great Grandma MacKay

At the Getty Museum

In-N-Out

I got this bug hanging thing on vacation! Isn't it cute!

These have nothing to do with vacation, but I thought you might like to see them anyways!

This is one of my pots in the front. It filled out nicely! I love it!

We got tile in the back room!!

this one is for Shelley. I took this picture when we went camping in early July and just forgot to post it. She said she missed the mountains and trees and I think these trees are really cool looking. So, I hope you can enjoy it! Love ya girl!

We're Home!

2008-08-12T09:58:00.002-06:00

Hi. I just wanted to let you know we're home. We had a great time in CA on Catalina Island and then visiting all of my extended family. And, now we're home. I've got heaps of laundry to do, a teething baby (his first tooth broke out last night!) and I hurt my back, so bending over isn't happening. I went to the chiropractor yesterday and he fixed me up and put me in a back brace.. you know the kind older people wear. Yea... this week should be interesting. Wish me luck.
I'll post pictures soon.

For Nona

2008-07-25T18:24:00.005-06:00

These are for you, Nona. Hope they help with being so far away. Love you!

This one is up close! 7/25/08

Cole is playing with his toys 7/25/08

Cole is learning to drink from a water bottle while we were camping! 7/12/08

Going out of this World

2008-07-23T15:16:00.001-06:00

Hi! Well, I'm not really going out of this world, but sometimes it feel like it. I'm running around with my head cut off (much like a chicken!) and it's a bit draining! But, I'm so looking forward to Saturday, cause we're leaving on a jet plane and not returning for a while! I'm so excited. Also, this Saturday is our 5 year anniversary! I can't believe it!!!!! Much has changed, but I still feel like the same 18 year old who got married. OK, well, I knew this blog was going to be short. Have a great couple of weeks and I'll post pictures when we get back. Love you all!

Scooba

2008-07-20T22:55:00.002-06:00

I got a scooba for Christmas.
Have you ever felt like your house is so bad that if the authorities came you would have your dogs taken away? I am in the middle of that right now!! This whole sun room project is so great yet it has a major draw back. The major draw back is the mess. I don't mind it if it's in the sun room, however we have people tromping through our house on a regular basis (now, most of the people are Caleb and myself... but there have been others as well). These "people" will go into the sun room and work or check out the progress and then come into the house. We did have a "wipe your feet off rug" that somehow came to live in the sun room last week and I knew it was there and didn't do anything about it. I just let it hang out with its new friends the ladder and paint cans. So, there are white chalky foot prints all over our house. Sometimes foot prints are nice-- like when you step out onto nice snow. There's nothing nicer than walking in the snow and leaving your foot prints behind. I'm not talking about nice white foot prints like that, I'm talking about dusty, dirty foot prints all over my house leaving trails of where we have been. It's interesting, yet really annoying. I get the roomb0a, Sunny, out all the time and he likes to suck up all of our mess. However, he doesn't get into the corners very well and he doesn't suck up all the foot prints. So, even though our floors are being vacuumed on a very regular basis, they're still gross!! This brings me back to the scooba. I loved my scooba at first, yet I didn't know our particular model (this was all probably in the owners manual, which I never looked at and promptly threw into the "manuals" file in our cabinet along with our dishwasher and computer manuals! They all get together and have a party-- it's probably really fun for them, yet I don't find them very interesting) isn't suppose to be plugged in all the time or it actually drains the battery. SO, we don't have a robot mop right now-- I have to buy a new battery and our money is going to other things right now. I'll get one this fall. I HATE mopping. It's not being done right now. Hence, I have gross, chalky foot print floors. Floors even my dog is grossed out at (well, probably not, cause she's a dog), but my feet are really grossed out at them. It's a good thing Cole doesn't roll off his blanket yet, cause I can keep him nice and clean (just in case you were wondering!).

Oh, and today Caleb, Cole, myself, and two of our best friends went to McCall for lunch! It was a very long drive, but so much fun to hang out with friends and catch up! Nothing like a little road trip to keep the conversation rolling! It was so nice to get some clean fresh mountain air!

Summer fun= No Posts

2008-07-18T14:08:00.008-06:00

We've been doing all sorts of great things! We went camping for 3 1/2 days last week, which was SO fun. Cole did great and Stella slept for 3 whole days once we got back! She ran non stop while we were in the mountains! Caleb and I got some much needed rest, time together, and planning time for our family. We did a family purpose statement all centered around the verse:
2 Peter 1:5-8 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
It was a great time for us to focus on where we want to go as a family!
We've also had a few more 1st for Cole. He had his first drinks of water from a cup (water bottle) and his first real food! He was pretty excited about both!
Let's see what else. Oh, I'm signed up for Art 100 at BSU for the fall semester and I'm super excited about it. I bought my book on Amazon.com last night! I'm hoping to learn about the types of art, possibly artists, etc. I'm not really sure what Art 100 is... but, it'll be interesting, cause I haven't done anything in that field yet!
OK, so that's about what's been going on with us. I'm probably not going to do much better over the next few weeks. We're going to CA for 2 weeks soon and having good friends come into town. SO... I'll try, but no guarantees!

Painting!

2008-07-08T10:47:00.008-06:00

Hi! We've been painting. ALL WEEKEND! It's a lot of work to get an entire room painted. Esp when I've only got an hour here and an hour there to get it done! Caleb has been painting the ceiling with primer (and some of the walls) and I've done the color. So, here's what it started out as and what it looks like now!Oh and here's a video of Cole!

HOT

2008-07-03T21:41:00.003-06:00

Hey there. Well, there's not much to say. it's hot and we've been busy. The patio is finished and the sun room is going to get painted on Saturday... we're going with 3 colors- red, white and blue. With a border of flags around the middle of the wall! Sounds nice, huh? Just kidding. We're painting it brown, white, and light blue. Hopefully it looks good! We're picking carpet and tile and getting the lights hung next week... they say it'll be done in a week or so. I'm thinking it will be so.. like another 2 or 3 weeks. We'll see.
Cole is rolling like a mad baby. He's super fast at it now. He also doesn't want to just lay around anymore. So, I went to the thrift store and bought one of those jumper things that goes in the door way. I think he'll like it, cause he's always jumping. (when we hold him on our lap).
Stella is doing well. She's much more obedient this summer than last!! She thinks the wading pool in our back yard is the best, cause it's like unlimited water! She and Cole have a game where she sneaks up and licks him and he starts laughing. It's funny! And, keep the kid from getting bored, so dog spit is good.
I'm once again hanging our clothes on the line, cause I can't be bothered to throw the clothes into the dryer to heat up our house when it's like a million degrees outside. So, we're a little white trash.. oh speaking of that, the dumpster left today!! So, we no longer have a ugly heap of rubbish in our driveway. Yeah!
Alright, well, I think that's about it.
Happy 3rd of July. You know, July 4th's Eve. Enjoy the festivities this weekend and stay out of trouble. If anyone feels the urge to paint on Saturday, they're more that welcome to come on over and help up paint. We'll be at it from early until it's done! :)
peace out yo. (that's for Shelley)

It's been a while

2008-06-28T12:46:00.005-06:00

I know, it's been a long time and I'm sorry for that. This week was a bit nuts!! We did a lot of work on the sun room, and I ended up helping a ton (meaning we did a lot of work late at night so I actually could help). It's paying off though, cause we've got a fully enclosed room with new drywall, a patio with cute furniture on it, and I'm picking paint and carpet!! It's so much fun!
So, here are a few picture of our room... sorry if you wanted something else, as soon at the sun room is done, I'll be able to think of something else!

Painted nails!

2008-06-21T09:25:00.001-06:00

Yesterday Cole and I sat outside and I painted my nails. They're a funky color, but they're trimmed and painted!! So, go me.

it's finally summer

2008-06-20T10:44:00.002-06:00

It's summer now, I mean real summer. The kid with the ice cream truck, sprinklers, and sun tans. It's wonderful! I'm actually starting to get a tan- which is a lot for me. SO, that's why I'm excited.
Oh, and our sun room is getting so close!

toe nails

2008-06-18T15:03:00.004-06:00

I love my feet. I think they're really cute, however being on prenatal vitamins for over a year now, I have to cut my toe nails way too often. See, I don't like my toe nails when there is any amount of white showing. So, I try to keep them all trimmed and nice and neat. Now that I have Cole (and imagine me being 9 months pregnant trying to cut my toe nails... it was a difficult process) I don't have much time to cut my toe nails. However, I have tons of time when I look at them and I'm frustrated. I nurse about 6-7 times everyday. That means I have about 175 minutes where I look at my toe nails and wish I could cut them, but Cole wouldn't be pleased about not eating, so I don't cut them. Then because there's a million things to do every moment-- including holding my baby-- i forget to cut them until the next time I'm nursing him, just 3 short hours later. Now, I'm talking about cutting them, yet as I sit here they're growing and not being cut. Oh, and even if I did want to cut them this very moment, Caleb is currently using the bathroom that houses the clippers. Maybe someday I'll get a pedicure. Sounds really nice right now.
Oh, one more thing about long toe nails that just bugs me, when I'm drifting off to sleep and I decide to sleep on my back and all of a sudden my toe nails drag across the sheets... ahhh gross!

Project pictures!

2008-06-16T11:02:00.005-06:00

Here are a few more pictures of our sun room. Notice that there isn't a pole in the middle of the room anymore! :) Oh and here's one of Cole.

who i am

2008-06-14T13:39:00.002-06:00

I've been thinking about who I am. I feel all this pressure to be something I cannot achieve. I want to be content in my skin, my life, house, marriage, and family. I want to be someone who is centered, not thinking or worrying about what others are thinking, and also not stepping on people while I become satisfied in who I am. I have this tendency to think that in order to make myself feel good, I have to compare and if I fall ahead in the comparison, I am good. If not, there's something wrong with me. I don't want to care about living up to other people's standards for their own lives-- or for that matter if they think I should be something I'm not, I don't want to live up to their standards for me. I want to be me. I am a little over weight- and I've got a beautiful baby boy to show for it. I'm a little messy, and my house shouldn't matter that much. I 'm confident in my marriage and family, because I know God is equipping me to do that which he has given to me. I am me. I have beauty not yet realized, and faults that sometimes show too much. That's ok. I'm growing, I'm learning, and I'm realizing what it means to live in the moment and love life. Speaking of loving life, I hear a little boy who has just awoken from his nap. Better run.

Much Happier

2008-06-12T18:09:00.004-06:00

Hi. Today has been a much happier day. I ran around and visited a friend, did some errands, and now I have a sleeping baby (so what if he's taking a nap at 6pm.. it's a nap!). I also planted some plants yesterday, so I thought you might like to see them! I know the pot is a little sparse, but it's what I could buy... so it'll have to grow!

It's been a long day

2008-06-11T20:24:00.003-06:00

I just need to vent a little. Let me start by saying that I love my husband and son. I am however frustrated that Cole will not take a nap. It has been a very long day due to that. He has started taking naps in the morning from 11-11:45 (well, there have been maybe 5 in all) however one 45 minute break is NOT long enough. Not to mention Caleb is very preoccupied with our back room project (which he previously told me he would not be very involved in) I am doing most of the baby work alone. Not to mention errands, cleaning, and cooking. Arg. I'm a bit worn out today. I went to Papa Murphy's to get a pizza for dinner tonight, cause I couldn't cook with a crying baby. So, I get there and I don't have my wallet. Luckily, Caleb was home and actually answered his phone so we paid over the phone. Now Cole is crying in his bed, the pizza is ready, and Caleb is still working on the back room. I need a spa day.