Sunday, April 7, 2013

feeling defeated

This is another rant. So, read at your own risk. I'm really irritable right now.

 I'm tired, frustrated, feel a bit used and abused, and I want a vacation.

I know there are lot of people who are in harder situations than myself, and I am not comparing myself to them. I am comparing myself to my normal life and it is just a little off kilter.

 Caleb has had mandatory training this week as well as guard, plus his regular 48 hour week, so he has worked 80 hours. Cole has had a cough, has been up almost every night for several hours, and has very whiny attitude. Amelia cut a tooth. I also worked 2 shifts this week and because of Caleb's training, I had to find childcare-- just adding to the list of my to-do's.

I really am just tired. I would really like a break from the disobedient, and smart talking 5 year old. I would enjoy sleeping without bringing a baby into bed to nurse first thing in the morning. I would really like to be able to go to the gym and get out some of my aggression.

 I'm doing the race to Robie Creek in 2 weeks and because of this week, I haven't been able to train but 1 time. I am so stinking nervous and feeling totally derailed at the fact that I haven't been able to go exercise. They call it the toughest half marathon for a reason. I know I've got 2 weeks, so I can potentially get to the gym and run outside every day from here on out, but I'm just feeling a bit trapped and without much help from my exhausted hubby.

 So, there you have it. It is Sunday at noon, I'm still in my pj's and I'm hoping this giant cup of coffee kicks in soon.


Anonymous said...

All of the things you rant about are blessings that many people would love to be able to have the opportunity to rank about. Having a job, being able to have children, etc. Look to God for your inner strength. Isn't that why you go to church?

Michelle said...

Often we are given the lemons and just have to do what we can with them. Some days you jugle them, some days you make something sweet with them. It just depends. It passes and then we look back on those days and almost forget they even happened. It is good to rant and have a place to vent. Bottling up the frustration just leads to all kinds of bad things! Have a second cup of that wonderful coffe and make the most of today! Love ya!

Marty Kennedy said...

I still remember those days, actually I had one yesterday - different circumstances but same feelings, I too reached out. I think it is healthy to rant, as you put it, and even though things may be better, those feelings are valid and your job is hard!!! I remember feeling like a total failure on so many fronts but my kids turned out amazingly well, truly a testament to God's grace - yours will, too! I love you, Meg!

laura mann said...

Good for you for being so honest with your feelings! Everyone feels defeated at times and there is nothing wrong with it! You cannot argue with feelings but thank the Good Lord they pass...... continue being never know who you are helping! Good blog!

Masons said...

I just want you to know that I think you are an amazing mom. Remember the subtitle of your blog, "My journey to find joy in all situations". XOXO