Thursday, July 14, 2011


Today is another day where I've got a million things to do. However I wanted to take a moment to talk about my big brother Nate, whose birthday it is today. He would be 30 if he were still alive. He was a man with a huge heart, always wanting to help those in need, a constant tease, a fast talker, ADD, always scheming for the next thing to do, an avid Nintendo player, an athlete, someone who valued family, and most of all, he was my big brother.

I miss him everyday.

I think about him and talk about him more now that he's unavailable to me. It's weird how that happened-- how come I couldn't think to call him when he was alive, and now all I want to do is call him.

Take a moment today and call those who you love and haven't talked to in a while.

I love you, Nate, and wish things had been different. Happy 30th Birthday.

Thursday, July 7, 2011


I've started this post 4 times now and I don't really know what to say. I've been gardening, reading text books, knitting, watching Harry Potter movies, reading mediocre literature about marriage, and I cracked open the good old trusty quote book from high school. So, I will leave you with a few fantastic quotes:

"Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result." -Winston Churchill

"To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive." -Robert Louis Stevenson

"Cleaning your house while your children are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." -Phyllis Diller

OK, maybe they weren't fantastic, but they make me think of high school and that is fun to think about.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Where the Wild Things Are

Tonight as I was snuggling my kidlet, he reached over his bed and grabbed his copy of Where the Wild Things are. I've read it to him many times, and he loves it. It is a fantastic story of a naughty child who gets sent to bed without his supper and either has a wonderful imagination or falls asleep. He has an adventure and meets the Wild Things. He discovers that he's actually lonely for someone who loves him. He chooses to come home and his momma has brought his dinner into him and it's still hot.

OK, so I'm sure most of you have read this story and maybe you get it and maybe you don't. It doesn't really matter.

What matters is, I opened the book and there was a message from Uncle Nate and Aunt Ginny inside the front cover. It said they couldn't wait to meet baby Roe and that this book was Nate's favorite as a little boy. The note also mentioned how they couldn't wait to read this book to him, and someday when he's big, for him to read it to them.

Whoa. It was like a sack of bricks falling on me. The instant tears. I sat in bed with my three year old and sobbed. Gut wrenching sobs of the things that will never be. It was only a few minutes, and Cole waited patiently as the tears fell.

Then in his gentle loving voice, he asked me what was wrong and told me he loved me. He has truly been my grief partner-- I don't mean that in a bad way; merely in the sense that he has been there with me when everyone else has been gone. I know that God gave me Cole during the most difficult time of my life to grow me, help me not become selfish, and to see love in his brilliant blue eyes.

So, we read and had an adventure both with Max and Cole. We snuggled and sang Beatles songs (so much for the lullaby tonight, huh?!) and he feel asleep. I have been mulling his love and grace for me over and over in my mind. How blessed I am to be Cole's Momma.