Friday, September 23, 2016

The stuff is falling apart

So the thing about this time away from Caleb is that the different things in my life feel the weakness...  like the electronics (the computer decided to give me a horrible blue screen of death and it won't work at all anymore and the bluray player won't play blurays anymore) and the washing machine (won't go from the wash cycle to the rinse cycle unless I open the lid and slam it down again) and the door bell (which technically broke while Caleb was here, but as he didn't get around to fixing it, it's mine to figure out) and the dog (who is chewing up everything again-- she's almost 1, what the heck!), and the car (the battery died and I can't get it out of the garage to jump it on my own)....  I wonder what the next thing will be, because there will be a next thing.  I know it.  It's like the law, if the man is gone, the stuff breaks or doesn't work or freaks out.

Tomorrow's to do: call every bill we have and try to find the user names and passwords (and hope they're not just in Caleb's name, because even though we are married and I just want to pay the dang bills, they probably won't let me), take the car battery out of the car and take it to the battery shop and re-charge it, take the computer into Best Buy and get the pictures that weren't saved put onto the external hard drive, go to a soccer game, get a huge coffee, cry a little, break up fights between the dog and the girl, the girl and the boy and the boy and the neighbor kids (because let's face it, my kids like to fight), look at my house and wonder if it really needs to be cleaned, because for heaven's sake, it's just going to get messy again, and cleaning for just 3 people isn't really worth it. Then, after all that, I'll probably try to do something that looks like food making (but, honestly, it'll be pot pies or corn dogs or dino chicken nuggets-- we've got options around here), then I'll try to convince my kids that bathing is really a good thing, we will all try to go to sleep alone, but then I'll end up having one or both kids sleeping next to me and I'll think to myself, one more day done.

Happy weekend everyone.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Rainy Evening

So I've been hoping for the weather to change for the past few weeks.  I think it feels like Caleb will be home sooner if we have fall weather-- it just means that there is one less season between us.  Anyways, today it feels like fall arrived.  The first trees to turn have become all sorts of oranges and yellows.  The air carries a frosty feel in the morning and while Jack has yet to visit, I'm sure he'll be here soon making all the grass blades white and the windshield need a scrape.  I love the cool night air and warmish afternoon-- making it almost impossible to decide clothing for the whole day-- so I guess I get to wear a couple of outfits.  Fine by me.  It's the walking weather where you don't sweat, soccer games on Saturdays, and no need to run the heater or the a/c.  It's the magical time of year where you can be lazy and not feel too bad, because if it's raining, the best way to enjoy is by sitting with a cup of tea and a good book all while snuggled into a nice warm blanket.  Also, the grass still needs to be watered, but when it rains in the fall, that chore is done by God.  I usually lament the end of summer.  I usually feel a sad melancholy at the end of a nice warm season-- but not this year.  This year I am looking forward to each new red leaf, each harvest party, pumpkin everything, and all things fall.  

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

How rich I am

Today is special for me. It is my birthday. I know everyone gets one each year and to each person, those birthdays are special. I hope I am able to make other people feel special on their birthdays the way I have been hugely blessed today on my birthday.

I was feeling bummed out that for the second year in a row my husband is gone over my birthday. It just feels like insult to injury when we have to do another special day without him. He's already missed so much this year-- our anniversary, the end of summer, the kid's first day of school-- and all the little things, like 3 lost teeth, a burst ear drum, camping trip in McCall, bbqs, ever growing children. In all, he will miss a lot more-- many growth spurts, lots of sick-children-sleepless-nights, the last years of toddlerhood, 2 Thanksgivings, Christmas, New Years, season changes... Well, you get the idea. A lot of things happens when you're gone from your house for 11ish months out of 24. Today was something I was dreading. I'm usually stoked about my birthday. I love to celebrate, but there's just something sad to me about celebrating when my partner isn't there.

My village rallied.

First thing this morning, my daughter got up to find me and in her sleepy, messy hair, pj voice said, 'happy birthday, momma.' My son made me coffee and gave me not only his hand made gift, but $2 in quarters, and 2 pieces of gum. He also wrapped gifts from Caleb and had them all ready for me when I went into the kitchen. My mom made today so extraordinarily special. I don't even know how to say thank you. Caleb sent me gifts that spanned the whole day and ended with a dozen long stem red roses. My girlfriends shared a much needed girls night out full of popcorn, laughter, almazing food, drinks, and cheesecake. I got notes and gifts from the heart.

I am going to bed alone again, but my heart is so full. I feel so cared for and loved. I am so thankful for the people in my life.

When I was a child, making friends was so difficult for me. Mom and I prayed that God would bring friends into my life. I know He is still answering that prayer, as the relationship I have are so life giving. I may live in a small green house, drive older cars, and live on a budget, but I am truly rich.