Thursday, January 29, 2009

ER visit

So on Jan 3, at 5am, Caleb, Cole and Myself went to the ER because I had been up all night with severe pains in the right side of my stomach. I had puked about 10 times in 4 hours and was out of my mind in pain. This was way worse than childbirth. Way worse. We thought it might be my appendix. So, off we went to the ER. I got pain meds and a CT scan and was told that I had a major block in my intestines. So, laxatives, smooth move tea, and Epsom salt water was what I lived on for about a week. I was a little old woman who couldn't stand up straight because of the pain. And, I didn't want to eat because of the fear of more pain. I lost about 8 pounds that week (bummer, it didn't stay off!). I also had canceled my insurance because of their unwillingness to pay for Cole's birth... and hey, I don't ever get sick, haven't used my insurance at all for 3 years... so we decided together to cancel it. It took effect on Jan 1. Perfect, huh? Guess what I got in the mail today. The bill. $3899.66. That's a lot of money for a 2 hour visit to the hospital. A lot of Money!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

I won!!

So many of you know that I've been in a huge, big, long fight with my insurance provider-- Blue Cross of Idaho-- over their unwillingness to cover the birth of my kiddo (last year 1/28!). I've appealed them 3 times and have made lots of phone calls (which, have you ever called the insurance company before- it's like a 30 minute minimum! And with a baby, that's an eternity!). I finally got a letter from the vice president saying that because they informed me badly, they were going to cover Cole's birth! Yea. I got excited, yet the check didn't come. So, I waited and gave them time, and all the while thought to myself that I wasn't actually going to get the check. Low and behold, yesterday I got the check!! All $1769.13 of it. I have to say that sometimes being a pain in the butt gets you what you want. So, I just wanted to #1 say that I'm so happy I won a fight against the man and #2 I am pleased to say that insurance isn't always a crock.

Thursday, January 22, 2009


tomorrow we're going snowboarding. I'm pretty excited. I feel like I'm a teenager again... except when I fall it hurts a lot more.
I can't think of anything else to say. So, that's that.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


All is quiet in my house. Cole is sleeping, Caleb is off doing some heroic deed for someone and I am home. The fire is burning out and I am sitting here thinking about life. I sometimes get angry or frustrated over small things and wonder why. Why do i care. Why can't I just live and love. I want to. I want to not get stuck. I look back at the last year- the year that has changed all of my future. The year that has defined me and changed me in ways I do not know how to express. I sit here thinking about my almost 1 year old. The sleeping baby in the other room-- the one who just 1 year ago, i still didn't know. I think about all the years to come, just 17 more with him in my house. All the changes that will take place, in our family, my personal life, and hopefully my spiritual journey. I am nostalgic tonight. I am feeling a bit old, a bit like a person I once knew, yet grown up all of a sudden. I have worries I never thought I would have, and fights I never wanted to have. Heck, I dream of refinishing our hard wood floors-- if that doesn't speak grown up, I don't know what does. yet, inside of me, I'm just a kid. A kid who is searching for love, for acceptance, and approval. I am a kid who doesn't feel like I'm 'doing' life right. Like somehow I threw the manual of life away and can't get it back.
I want to have joy to have freedom from the worries and stresses. I want to find it in the small things. I think I do-sometimes- and then I think I totally forget it because I'm cleaning diapers again. Can I find joy in that? I guess so, Cole is a baby and I am blessed with him. I want to find joy in it all and stop being grumpy. This is my first step-- acknowledging it. I can't change or heal what I do not acknowledge. I can have joy and not just live-- but really live.