Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I've been looking at my stats...

So, who knew there were people all over the world looking at my blog-- 12 countries just today. go figure. I do hope someone out there is inspired.

Things here are going good. I've officially finished my first knitting project! I started and finished it all by myself! My kidlet asked me to make him a wash cloth... and he's been sleeping with it every night! What a cutie. And, what an encouragement to me to keep learning and growing and creating.

I've got a painting of a half finished tree sitting on the desk in my entry, and I'm pretty sure I need to carve out some time (possible tomorrow as it is suppose to be 96 degrees!) to paint. I know Cole would be over the moon to work with me.

The real reason I'm writing is not to update you on my projects, however that is part of my journey, but to be real.

My heart is full of joy.

It hasn't been this way in some time. Probably about 2 1/2 years. I am truly joyfilled to be in this life I am living. Sometimes I'm sure I cram too much in, but even though I was busy all day today-- rushing from one thing to the next, I sat down tired tonight and was able to cuddle with Cole and realize that life is full of the moment. I can either choose to live a life planned out, full of fear and the unknown, with a lot of stress, or I can do my very best in this one moment I've got.

I think that's what I missed in my relationship with Nate. I was always hoping that he would get better and that someday we would be friends... I never did get that day. We never were able to connect and we both truly missed out on relationship.

I've realized that much of my grief journey has been about the things I missed with Nate-- that he either was there high, or not there at all, and now won't be there. I have forgotten the eternal perspective of life. We are not just walking this earth-- we are eternal beings. Either we walk into eternity with Christ (after giving our lives to him here on earth), or we walk into an eternity with Satan (after ignoring the promptings of Jesus, and choosing another path). I know that Nate turned his life to Jesus-- I know that he believed. I'm sure that God has given me hope in Nate's salvation. Therefore, why do I weep and mourn as one that does not have hope? I will have the relationship with Nate that I have always wanted, just not for another 70 years. Things really worth having are worth waiting for, right? So, this is going to be one really awesome reunion.

Happy 1st day of Summer (to those in the N. Hemisphere!).

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