Tuesday, May 8, 2012

better

Hey friends, just wanted to say a quick word of thanks for all the texts, emails, calls, and posts. I wasn't sure about putting my thoughts (vent) out in this venue, but figured it is more of a journal for me than for anyone else. So, I did it. I now realize that part of the thing that is so encouraging about social media is the support and love one can receive from a simple post. So, thanks. I needed the prayer and love.

I'm feeling much better. I needed a day to melt down-- things got overwhelming and it's ok for me to acknowledge how it's hard to juggle everything. It's not ok to stay in that place. Realizing that I am a smart, valuable woman, putting in the hard work and effort in to achieve my goal, and then getting it (ie diploma and baby!) is what this whole month is about.... so all that to say, my perspective is where it should be and I'm moving forward.

I passed that silly excel test yesterday (thanks Terry for helping me study!) and I've got a math test today (prayers are appreciated!) and then I'm officially done with my college career. I'm thrilled to say that even getting married young, and taking 1 or 2 classes a semester (it took me 4 semesters to finally become a degree seeking student!), I still achieved my goal of higher education. For me it was never about a job, but rather proving to myself that I was smart enough and had the fortitude to do it. I wanted to be educated for educations sake. I know that I am a deeper woman because of the sacrifices and time spent learning all that information. I am thankful for the teachers who were excellent and also who were crummy, because beyond just the "school" thing, I have really learned about human nature and what it looks like to grow with others or let them jade you (good teacher vs bad teacher), to love a bit of information and give that love to me. More than anything I think this time in my life has shown me that no matter what I want or how long it might take to get there, I can achieve my goals.

My new goals include: art time with Cole (at least this month and in the fall), reading good books (Caleb has a list for me about 2 feet long!), having a healthy baby girl, learning how to love each of my children in the way they need it, and picking up art for myself again. I know I'm having a new baby soon, but I do look forward to the day where I can clean my house, make dinner, and spend time with my kids without feeling pulled in a million directions. So, perhaps my real goal is simplicity.

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