Life is delicious and bitter all at the same time. Right now I feel like it's a little more bitter, but sure does have some beauty in it. My heartbeat is on the other side of the world and while there are many who have gone before me, this is my first time to let go for so long and trust God to take care of him.
My life now consists of lots of snuggles from kids -- the kind where I rarely get alone time. A sleeping child is in my bed almost every night. The sweet breathing into their father's pillow at night brings them such comfort as they navigate the world without their daddy's constant presence. How can I say no? To deprive them of a comfort to sleep well-- that is just silly. So, instead of getting the queen bed to myself, I'm now sleeping on the edge while they are spread eagle! My need for space will surely be taken care of once they feel secure in this new life we are creating the three of us.
There is a freedom that comes with not needing to make meals at a certain time, the ability to lounge around all morning in my PJs because there's no need to do anything for a timetable of daddy coming home. This is a joy for me. It brings me back to my childhood of homeschooling-- to not have a set schedule is what can give me so much happiness.
The school schedule will also surely give me some needed joy-- no more arguing with me or each other. Watching young minds grow and stretch makes me feel so satisfied. I love, love seeing learning.
Each step forward brings a beautiful moment in time that is captured only now. The sting of my love missing these moments makes me want to keep time standing still. How do I enjoy the moment and wish for it to go by fast in order to bring him home?
To see the beauty and bitterness together and embrace it. That is my goal.